"You're Not the Boss of Me Now And You're Not So Big!": 24, Prisonbreak, JLU, Malcolm in the Middle, Upfronts, Kidneys, and lots MORE

Okay, so it's only every so often that one gets to experience a totally new type of pain. Okay, i know that sounds weird, but it is kind of startling when you are feeling bad in a way you've never really felt bad before. For the last few days, I've been hobbling around with this sharp pain in my back, side, and abdomen, thinking it was a pulled muscle or something. But as the pain intensified to the point where just walking around was difficult, I knew this was a problem. So it didn't really occur to me to think that it was a kidney-related problem, as come on, what do I know about kidneys. But there it was, it fit. I went to a walk-in clinic yesterday evening and they basically all but said it was a kidney infection, and gave me a prescription for some antibiotics. But I still have to go to a real doctor and figure this all out.

And man, talk about a process. Finding a doctor out here is way to difficult. I mean apparently everyone under 35 in LA is a paragon of immaculate health, who have never used a doctor ever. Okay, not that I know that many people who live nearby me who would know about these things, but geez, can anybody refer me to a freakin' doctor? Apparently not. Because I mean who wants to put your health in the hands of a doctor that is randomly found online? Sure they may be good but how do you know. And it's also slightly disturbing that, well, EVERYONE has a website these days. I have a website, every business you can think of has a website, and yet when it comes to doctors barely anyone has a website. Of all the people who SHOULD have a website, it SHOULD be doctors who should be dominating the internet, doling out every strand of info available about them for us info-needy potential patients. Dammit, will the medical community please enter the year 2006 already!

So yeah, kidneys. If you had told me two weeks ago that I'd be worrying about my kidney right now I'd be both shocked and amazed. I mean what causes this? Why now? Why me? Ugh. And then, the doctor from the walk-in clinic was scaring the crap out of me, off-handedly mentioning all these potential ailments I could have. "Oh yeah," he nonchalantly mentioned, "you may have diabetes."

Awesome! Well, I don't THINK I have diabetes. Seeing as how I've been tested for lipid levels for years now, and apparently my last test had the levels almost normalized, I don't see how diabetes could suddenly materialize. Must be all that Special K With Red Berries I've been eating, or something. So yeah I don't think I have diabetes, but seriously, screw any walk-in clinic doctor who would simply throw that out there without elaboration. I mean, who ARE these people?

Anyways, this is kind of a weird way to open up a blog entry, I know. Especially when I have so much other stuff to discuss. But yeah, for the last few days I've just been kind of hobbled and in pain because of this, and now I've been struggling to find a doctor and get to the bottom of what's wrong with me. So it sucks, but hopefully it's not that bad, and like my kidneys will heal up stronger than ever and I'll be able to take a punch to the gut like nobody's business.

But yeah, going to that clinic last night and waiting FOREVER in their lobby, and then waiting forever in line at the pharmacy to pick up my Cipro, forced me to miss the first half-hour of Prisonbreak, which was a major downer as I was AMPED for the big season finale. But whatever, I'll review it anyway, because das how I roll, yo.

TV STUFF:

PRISONBREAK Season Finale:

Well, I DID miss the first half, but nonetheless I will give this episode a hearty cry of:

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!

Because this episode, as has every installment of late of the pulp serialized adventure series, kept me on the edge of my seat. Sure, it took me a little while to catch up on what was going on, but all of my brief confusion was forgotten as I witnessed gang-banger Abruze CHOP OFF T-BAG'S HAND WITH A GIANT AXE! Yes, that ruled! A hand-less T-Bag then running to catch up with his partners in crime was pretty amusing too. But I will say, the last few eps of this show have been so riveting that by comparison, the finale was a little bit of a letdown. I mean, I was expecting some huge plot twist to lead into Season 2, but all we got was the prisonbreakers missing their plane to freedom, and then RUNNING THROUGH A FIELD as police helicopters swirl overhead. So a cool image, I guess, but come on - how could they possibly get away when there's search lights shining right on them, and dozens of cars hot on their tail?

Sure, there were some good twists though. The good doctor offing herself was pretty shocking, even though it did seem a bit out of nowhere ... I don't think there were really many hints that she had it in her to O.D. like that. And the lawyer finding the former Vice President alive was kind of cool, but they didn't really indicate where they were planning on going with that plot thread, so it kind of just left us hanging.

Still, I was on the edge of my seat, I can't wait to see what happens in Season 2, and man, did I mention T-Bag's hand got chopped off? This was a very good finale to the best new show of this season - Prisonbreak. My grade: A -

24! 24! 24!

Hmm, i don't know if I can muster my usual unbridled enthusiasm for last night's ep. It did kind of seem to be stretching the plot a little thin, and pretty much serving as a placeholder until next week's mega-sized finale that is sure to rule all. But as for this ep, yes, it had its moments of gravitas-infused awesomeness, but it also seemed to be reachign a bit to present just one mo' huge horrible disaster that only Jack Bauer can avert.

- The MVP of this ep had to be AARON F'N PIERCE, who ruled it in his scenes with President Logan, I mean, "Charles." If anyone brought the gravitas this week, it was this man - a true patriot and hero in the world of 24.

- Also, who doesn't love to see Henderson, aka ROBOCOP himself, on-screen acting badass like only he can? My problem lies in the Jack-and-Henderson-form-an-unlikely-team scenario, which was a little cliched and not handled as well as it could have been, as was Jack interrupting Henderson's brilliant but seemingly dangerous plan.

- And we are also back to CTU operating like the A-Team, with seemingly only five people now working there, two of whom are fired and thought to be detained, and one of whom, Jack, who is legally dead.

- And Bierko nerve-gassing a nuclear sub and commanderring its missles? Wow, that was quick. I mean, okay I realize they have to up the ante for the finale but this was pretty crazy and sudden. And can you even do that to a sub? And wouldn't a nuclear sub be on ultra-high alert on a day when multiple terrorist attacks have hit the country? I guess part of the problem is that the focus has been totally shifted away from Bierko to Logan, Henderson, and the Bluetooth gang as of late, so at this point yet another terrorist plot by Bierko comes off as kind of "meh," even if it does involve commandeering a nuclear sub.

- BTW I noticed that Kim Raver, aka Audrey Raines, in scheduled to appear in a new ABC Pilot called The Nine in the fall. What does this mean for her role on 24, and might she bite it in next week's finale? Hmmm, interesting.

- Damn that Miles. What a smug bastard, he had better get his ass whupped Bauer-style next week.

- Speaking of next week, man, it DOES looks pretty awesome. Can't wait. 24 is seriously one of the most purely entertaining shows of all time, and its 2-hour season finale should be epic. EPIC. But yeah, this ep, while thrilling, wasn't quite up to 24-at-its-best standards of gravitas.

My Grade: B+

FOX SUNDAY NIGHT QUICK REVIEWS:

- KING OF THE HILL Season Finale: This one was all about the Tom Petty-voiced Lucky, and watching, I felt lucky that this would not in fact be the SERIES finale as was once thought. FOX in its not-so-infinite wisdom did something right, and renewed this show after it had already been cancelled. Old shows won't die lately, as seen by the ressurection of 7th Heaven (um, why?), but this is one show that deserves to stick around. Because judging from the continued quality, its creators still have lots of stories left to tell. This was a funny ep that played up many of the show's classic dilemmas - Hank is confused, Peggy is spiteful, and Luanne is seemingly in over her head. Not earth-shattering stuff, but this is one of the most reliably funny and entertaining shows around. My grade: A -

- THE SIMPSONS: Decent ep - it tried for a lofty theme by doing a Simpsons-meets-Inherit The Wind evolution trial satire. And if this ep had been done ten years ago, with the creme of the crop writers and the late great Phil Hartman as Lionel Hutz, well, it could have been spectacular. But it was merely okay, which is too bad because its been a while since the show even attempted this level of social commentary. My grade: C+

- FAMILY GUY: Wha' happened? Last week we finally got a quality ep, and this week it was back to complete sucktitude. Not only did this show's format totally rip off The Simpsons, but I mean come on, even The Simpsons has rarely, if EVER, produced a good anthology ep outside of the annual Treehouse of Horror. So what made Family Guy think it could out-do the Simpsons at somethign that the Simpsons has never really even done well in the first place? Okay, that last sentance I realize makes no sense logically, but you get the picture. in any case, this ep was just poorly done and not funny. And so I guess Family Guy's return to greatness won't be happennning this season ... although hey, next week FOX airs the near-complete Stewie DVD movie, which I have yet to see. Cool. But this ep = the suck. My grade: D

Goodbye to MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE: Last Ever Episode!!!

Malcolm in the Middle has to be one of my favorite television comedies of all time. I've always loved its stylized, bitingly glass-half-empty view of growing up, and its painfully funny depiction of the relationship between brothers and parents and their kids. Having grown up with two strict parents and a younger brother, I instantly related to this show and its central themes - how family life was brutal, painful, and often torturous (literally!), but in the end it was your family and you were pretty much stuck with 'em, that is, until you finally found a way to get out -- and even then, they'd be there. This show has produced so many classic episodes ... some favorite moments that come to mind: Christopher Lloyd guest-starring as Hal's crazy dad, the amazing pilot, Hal trying to procure a rare comic book for Malcolm, anything with Francis at the dude ranch, Comandeer Spangler, Dewey and his class of special kids, Stevie's overprotective parents, Reese's cullinary hijinx, Bea Arthur as Dewey's babysitter, the red balloon, the alternate universe Malcolm and co who were great ppl due to lack of Lois ... and the list goes on ...

I have two hopes for this show's legacy. One is that its cast will get the recognition they deserve, as it really was an outstanding cast, with Bryan Cranston as Malcolm's dad Hal criminally unacknowledeged with Emmys and whatnot. And say what you want about Frankie Muniz, but he really did a great job as Malcolm, and in particular, his on-screen relationship with his TV mom Lois was always great - full of all the angst, anger, confusion, and rawness of most relationships between teenaged boys and their middle-aged mothers. One of the best episodes of the show was when Lois took up smoking again, and Malcolm's whole relationship with his newly-exposed-as-a-hypocrite mom was turned upside down. Oh yeah, my second hope is just that they release more seasons of this on DVD -- I mean, come on already.

As for this ep in particular, well, it was a pretty damn good finale for this show, and one that really cut to the core of what it's all about. And that's what kind of made this show great amongst comedies -- it really was ABOUT something. Here, all the themes kind of came full circle, and I really appreciated that. Dewey's simultaneous hate / love relationship with his brothers, and his sudden sadness that he was left all alone with his parents and his baby brother. Francis' never-ending battle of ideals with his mother, and his refusal to ever admit that she has won. Reese's black sheep status and his total state of arrested development. And Malcolm's constant struggle to be normal, conflicting with his undeniable knowledge that he is doomed to struggle and be different. Hal and Lois' plan for Malcolm - to be nothing less than the president of the united states, was great - kind of ever parent's dream for their kid, but the great part about this was that Malcolm is doomed to struggle his way to the top. I often kind of feel the same way, so I love Malcom's resignation to the fact that for him the easy way is never truly an option.

It was great to see all of the classic supporting players come back for the final ep. Cloris Leachman as Lois's mom has long been hilarious on this show, and it is always great to see her in this role. Craig is easily one of the funniest characters on the show, and prob had the best line of the ep (to Reese, his new roommate-to-be: "I do have a private life."). Stevie of course has had many great moments in the show's history, from the fight with the bully in the pilot to as recently as a few epsiodes ago where he patiently waited for a reluctant Malcolm to visit him in the hospital. And Stevie's overprotective, nervous dad has always been a hilarious character.

All in all, a fitting finale for the show. But one caveat -- what is up with FOX's total lack of respect? While 70's gets an hour finale AND a retrospective, and tons of ads, Malcolm gets absolutely nada. What gives? And they didn't even play the themesong / intro for the last ever episode? Dayum.

But yeah, a great final episode to one of the great comedies of my generation, and one that has personally entertained me since I was in high school. As an aspiring comedy writer, it's been one of my biggest influences, and yep, it really was one of the greats.

My Grade: A

JLU:

Yet another sad TV goodbye - this time to an entire animated universe that was brought to life under the watchful eye of Paul Dini and his artistic collaberator Bruce Timm. Since 1992, these guys have done an outstanding job of bringing DC Comics to life. At first, it was via Batman: The Animated Series - a historic, superlative series that stands as one of the greatest works of animation ever - a truly amazing depiction of the Dark Knight that to this day stands as the greatest ever on-screen realization of the Batman. While Dini and Timm would never quite reach those same heights of artistry, they continued to expand their animated universe in the years to come. Batman: The Animated Series spun out into Superman and Batman Beyond, and finally into Justice League. But it wasn't until Justice League became JLU that the show truly found itself, and became a superhero epic for the ages. But let's talk about this final episode ...

Wow - all I can say is, I really hope that Bryan Singer and co were watching this. Because this. was. Superman. This is the Superman I want in a movie. Fighting to his last breath, inspiring his comrades in arms, never backing down, and knocking the living crap out of a pissed-off Darkseid. Great stuff, and as big as a nerd as I know this makes me, this episode gave me chills. Just the sweeping music as all those heroes do heroic things ... just awesome. Batman vs. Darkseid, the Batman-Luthor team, and that old-school Batman: Animated themesong playing at just the right moment ...

And let me talk about Kevin Conroy. Since day one in 1992, this man IS Batman. Forget Michael Keaton or even Christian Bale - when I think the VOICE of BATMAN, I think Kevin Conroy's brilliant delivery, carried out with such pure gravitas in Batman: the Animated Series, the best Batman movie ever - Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, Batman Beyond, and now JLU. And it was only fitting that the final shot of the final episode was a close-up on the Bat - because that is where it all began all those years ago.

Yes - THIS has been the best, coolest, and most faithful adaptation of Batman ever. THIS is how Superman should be done. THIS is how Lex Luthor should be - thirsting for power - cold, calculating, and dangerous as hell. Awesome job by Clancy Brown at voicing Lex throughout the years. And yet, Cartoon Network axes this show? Gives it the shaft? Treats it like a red-headed stepchild in the midst of a neverending onslaught of incomprehensible anime shows? WTF? But hey, at least the Dini-verse, the meticulously-crafted, interconnected and rife with continuity, DC animated universe, went out in style.

So many great moments in this ep. The preparation for battle, the cameos, the dialogue ("Five minutes? You've gotten soft, Bruce."), all spine-tingling. With this final ep, the Dini-verse that had been almost fifteen years in the making went out with a bang, and in doing so, set the standard for how Superman, Batman, and the rest of the DC pantheon should be portrayed on screen. Which, if you think about it, is saying a hell of a lot.

My grade: A

OTHER TV STUFF:

- Yes! VERONICA MARS IS RENEWED for the CW! It's apparently 13 episodes with a full 22 being contingent on the ratings, but hey, it's something.

- Whoops, my bad. That WASN'T the last ever 70's Show - that is this coming Thursday. No wonder it seemed underwhelming as a series finale ...

UPFRONTS:

- Well I did get a chance to watch NBC's upfront presentations on Monday, and i will say that my company did a great job of hyping up their new fall lineup. Whoever cut the promotional trailers deserves a raise, and the stars were out in full force, with nearly every big NBC celeb, news personality, and even Madden, Costas, and the NFL crew there for the precedings. I think our new schedule is pretty solid for the fall, though of course it was hard to fully evaluate before knowing what the other networks were planning. As we saw today, with ABC moving Grey's Anatomy to Thursdays to go head to head with our great white hope, Studio 60, success ain't gonna come easy. I am legitimately excited about Studio 60 though - I have seen the pilot and it is an amazing piece of TV. I think people are really going to be into it, though of course it is certainly not a guaranteed ratings-grabber. I think Heroes has the potential to be the next "big" show a la Lost. It's going to be tricky to keep its momentum across a whole season, like Lost, but I am am excited by what I have seen so far. And finally, 20 good Years with John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor has all the makings of a classic sitcom. Two of the funniest actors out there who ahve a great chemistry on-screen, it should be great. I think it's going to be rough going for all the networks next season as they try to navigate a changing TV landscape, but I do think that NBC is poised to have big improvements across the board as compared to this year, where we did undoubtedly struggle.

- I am disappointed that ABC didn't pick up 60-minute Man, one of the coolest scripts I read for shows in development. This could have been an awesome sci-fi adventure show.

OTHER STUFF:

- Well, this weekend I guess I kinda got in my last bits of fun before the kidney stuff kicked in and I reached my current debilitated state. Saw ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL on Friday -- very funny and interesting movie which I'll review soon, but I will say that if you're a fan of the previous Terry Zwigoff / Daniel clowes collaberation, Ghost World, you should definitely check out Art School. Sure, there's no Scarlet Johanson or Thora Birch, but it's still a worthy movie. Saturday, I went to celebrate Abby's big bday, at which I sampled her excellent homemade red velvet cake. It was a good time, even though by the end of the night the pain was really starting to kick in. And oh yeah, the exit going to Abby's place was of course closed off, leading to some annoying lost-in-LA moments which I am never too thrilled about. But yeah, always good to celebrate a friend's birthday, and I also finally met Abby's friends who worked as writer's assistants on Malcolm in the Middle, which was cool. Oh yeah, did I mention that I got totally disoriented and couldn't find my car for awhile when going home? Yeah, but still, good times!

And now I am basically waiting on two doctor's appointments that I have scheduled for tommorow and Thursday, which will hopefully expedite me feeling better from this Kidney stuff, because, man, today I could barely make the walk from my office to the commisary at Universal.

Well, I guess its a new experience, and what better thing for a writer than to have a new experience. Um, right?

Anyways, take it easy, thanks for reading, congrats to all those who graduated from college (esp BU!) this past weekend, and, as always, stay tuned.