From Somewhere Deep in the Jungle: Da Vinci Code, Art-School, The Simpsons, and Countdown to 24 ...

Well, the saga of my injured back continues, though at the least I am lucky in that I am feeling much better today than I was just a few days ago on Thursday and Friday. I seem to be able to walk pretty normally now without any pain, which is great. I still have some general pain in my lower back and sides and I don't think I'm in condition yet to run around or play basketball or anything, but I am a lot better off than before.

What I don't like is that I still don't know exactly what was / is wrong with me. I may have to go in and get x-rays sometime this week, although who knows what they will show. And I still don't understand why the original doctor I saw at the walk-in clinic last Monday was so convinced that I had a kidney infection. Something just doesn't add up here. For now, I think I will just finish out the Cipro kidney medication as a safeguard, but again, something here just doesn't make sense. And whatever was wrong with me, I want to know so I can watch out for it in the future. If it is in fact a disc in my back that's causing this pain, then I definitely want to know so I can work on strengthening my back and take precautions against hurting it again. But yeah, right now I am just happy that I'm not in the excruciating pain I was in for most of last week.

- Despite my road to recovery which called for me to take things easy, I managed to have a fun weekend. Dinner on Friday at Buca di Beppo in honor of NBC pages' Johanna and Melissa's birthdays was excellent. Saturday I saw the DaVinci Code at a packed showing in Burbank, and Sunday afternoon I went up to Dodger Stadium with Brian and Scott for a great afternoon of baseball, as the Dodgers took on the Angels in an interstate matchup that made for a good crowd. No, not quite Fenway, but ya gotta love an afternoon at the game. And hey, we even topped it off by watching the direct to video American Pie: Band Camp DVD that soeone at work gave to me, featuring Stiffler's little brother going to band camp, and yes, Eugene Levy is in it, dammit all.

TV STUFF:

THE SIMPSONS Season Finale: A pretty good episode that started off strong with a string of funny jokes that would have felt at home in the good years. While the plot kind of meandered by the second half, I got a number of good laughs from the season finale (what is this, the 178th season?), which is just about all I can ask for these days from the Greatest TV Show of All-Time. Kind of a funny sendup of misguided celebrity couples, and overall a good way to end a year of the Simpsons that has had its ups and downs, but has had just enough ups to make me hold off on my impulse to say just end it already. Instead, I say keep the sunday night tradition alive (so I can write for it, dammit!). My grade: B+

FAMILY GUY Season Finale: Well, this HOUR AND A HALF season finale was just a re-edited version of the made-for-DVD Stewie movie from a while back, but yeah, it just kind of went on, and on, and on. Some funny moments, sure ("You know what really grinds my gears", Peter as host of Family Feud, Stewie meeting older Stewie ...), and one or two jokes had me rolling in laughter. But as a whole this was more of a "meh" than a "Best. Family Guy. Ever." type of thing. It didn't really feel like an epic movie, just kind of like three sorta connected episodes that lacked the crazy pacing or nonstop laughs of the usual episodes when they're on their game. Some funny stuff amidst the 1.5 hours, but glad I saw this on free TV and didn't pay $19.95 for the DVD. My grade: B

- While most of the big shows are now done for the season, this week has two HUGE finales still to come. I'll talk about LOST later, I'm sure, but tonight is all aboot TWENTY-BY-GOD-FOUR. Holy crap, it will likely rule, and the previews and commercials already have me hyped. "I'll do whatever it takes." Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn. Be sure to check back tommorow for one last 24-centric blog rant of doooooooooom.

- Rumor on AintitCool suggests that HBO may be developing a series based on one of the greatest comic book series ever, PREACHER. If so, I can only hope that it is not sanitized for TV, because despite the freedoms HBO allows, Preacher is one of the most shocking, violent, and just plain WRONG things I've ever encountered, but that's part of its charm. It is an AMAZING story, filled with memorable characters and real moral and ethical and philisophical questions, as told to us in graphic novel form by the great Garth Ennis and artist Steve Dillon. I could almost see a direct adaptation where each episode is told as one issue of the comic series, though if that were done, well, it would really have to be great if it eicited direct comparisons to the comic.

In any case, I would love to see what the ppl who get worked up about the Da Vinci Code would think of PREACHER. For the unitiated, God is the VILLAIN of the series, and an organization called The Grail protects the secret bloodline of Jesus from discovery by the world, because the only descendent of Jesus is an inbred freak! So they seek a new Messiah to become their figurehead, and that messiah is Jesse Custer, a Texas-bred preacher who wields the Word of God and talks to the ghost of John Wayne. He travels across the globe with his ass-kicking girlfriend Tulip and his best pal, a hard-drinking vampire named Cassidey, in search of God, in order to make him pay for abandoning the world he created. All the while, Jesse is hunted by the maniacal Herr Starr, the leader of the Grail, and encounters all manner of freakish characters, including a disfigured pop idol known only as Arseface! Yep, the Da Vinci Code's got NOTHING on PREACHER.

One of the best stories ever told, and something that one day could make one hell of a TV Series or movie, especially if done right. Seriously, read it, it's friggin' amazing.

But onto the movies ...

MOVIE REVIEWS:

THE DA VINCI CODE:

Like many critics have already stated, this was one movie that seemed like a no-brainer. You've got THE fiction book of the decade, popularity-wise, a usually reliable director in Ron Howard, and an A-list cast, with Tom Hanks in the lead surrounded by pretty much the best in the biz: Audrey Tatou, the amazing French talent from Amelie, Ian McKellan, able to bring the gravitas to any role, Jean Reno, a great actor as well, Alfred Molina, another accomplished thespian, and Paul Bettany, who is usually great and makes the most of any role he is given. So yeah, what could go wrong?

Apparently, a lot. I mean look, this is definitely not a BAD movie. It has many moments of fun, of intriguing plot turns, and of inspired acting (mostly from McKellan). But it never comes together as a film for a variety of reasons. Let's run them down:

- Waaay too much exposition: It feels like half of this movie is people telling us the backstory of the grail, the knights templar, the opus dei, etc, in long, boring stretches of narration overlayed with odd-looking flashback scenes that look like outtakes from some early 90's CD-ROM computer game. Ian McKellan's voice is such that he makes much of this exposition more interesting than it would be otherwise, but for the most part the pacing of this movie is way off.

- Tom Hanks is sleepwalking: Well that, or else he was just really miscast. I kept wishing that Jack Bauer or Fox Mulder was on the case and not this guy, who seemed to just be along for the ride. The professor had little to no defining characteristics, except for the left-field and random point that he is claustrophobic. In a novel this may work as a nice little character trait, but in a movie, what's the point? It's not like Indiana Jones being afraid of snakes or Marty McFly hating to be called "yellow," which are key to the story arcs of those movies. I mean, Tom Hanks is just useless in this whole movie. He never does what David Duchovny did as Mulder and totally draw you into his particular obsessions. He's not an action hero, or even particularly charismatic, like say Sam Neill as the lead in Jurassic Park - another expert in his field. And there never even seems a real reason for Langdon to be involved in the case -- what exactly is compelling him to get caught up in this life or death situation when he could easily get out of it if he wanted to? Hanks is probably miscast here, as his usual everyman vibe just comes off as blandness in this case, but the blame also goes to the script for never giving him an active or interesting role in the story, even though he's the lead character.

- Akiva Goldsman: Three words: He wrote BATMAN AND ROBIN. And BATMAN FOREVER. And LOST IN SPACE. Oh, and I, ROBOT. Yikes. Sure, his collaberations with Ron Howard are usually solid. A Beautiful Mind was excellent as was Cinderella Man. But clearly, this guy can be hit and miss. And as I alluded to when talking about how exposition-heavy the movie is, this script is not hit out of the ballpark by any means. It rides a fine line between overly serious to a fault, unintentionally campy, and just plain ludicrous at times. Many lines got unintentional laughs, and some of the flashbacks were just plain confusing (why was Paul Bettany's albino monk shown killing Alfred Molina in some kind of random flashback?). Seemingly major characters got sudden sendoffs (Bettany and Molina's quick and pointless deaths). And the "twists" were often foreshadowed to death and way too heavyhanded.

- Poor Pacing: Again, the pacing was just off. Long stretches of boring exposition, climactic action in the middle, not the end, of the movie. Car chases that never popped. Showdowns that had no drama, no pulse. Characters introduced but never given their dramatic due. And no real sense of closure. Basically this movie seems to be about throwing all these "shocking" ideas at us and succeeding on that alone. But despite the supposed controversy that this movie has caused i nsome circles, these ideas are not all that shocking. We've seen movies where dinosaurs live again, where men can fly, where aliens walk among us - what is so startling about telling us that Jesus had a family? The movie can't work on its ideas alone, yet that's what it tries to do.

- No Intelligence: This movie tries to be a smart, serious, intelligent look at some high-concept ideas. The seriousness with which it takes itself and the pedigree of actors suggests that this is an "adult" movie. And yet the movie consistently insults the audience with the aforementioned lame twists and moments of pure campiness, and scenes like the opening where Tom Hanks teaches a class (and in turn, us, the audience) a rudimentary lesson on symbiology. Gee, thanks for informing us that a three-pronged rod can be BOTH the devil's pitchfork AND the trident of Poseidon. Anyone who's ever seen the Little Mermaid knows as much, yet hear it's treated like a shocking revelation. Give the audience some credit - we can watch a movie like Lord of the Rings, with all its arcane mythology, and follow along just fine, we don't need a relatively simple plot spelled out like its, well, the bible.

Okay, so that pretty much sums up why this movie isn't all it's cracked up to be. But still, it has its moments. As I said, Ian McKellan gives a sprited performance that pretty much SAVES this movie, literally, it comes alive when he enters the picture after about the first third of the film. And most of the performances are good, what you'd expect of these actors. Paul Bettany LOOKS and ACTS like a great villain - he just has nothing very interesting to do. And Tatou is talented, no doubt, but her lack of English proficiency and somewhat boring character here hurts her performance.

So it was a decent movie, but a lot worse than it could have been if it had a tighter script, more interesting direction, and more inspired casting in some cases. Not worth much hype though, either as a movie or as a political statement. My grade: C+

- It's funny though, you could tell that there were a lot of ppl at the Da Vinci code showing I went to that hadn't been to a movie in a while. Because there was all this laughter at the opening "turn your cell phone off" fake movie preview thing. Weird.

As far as previews go ... Lady in the Water looks potentially cool, but then you never know with M. Night post-Signs and Village. World Trade Center, eh, way too melodramatic for a 9/11 movie- doubt it will be as well done as United 93.

- And man, I guess the folks at WB marketing read my blog, because as soon as I complain about Superman being the summer's biggest-budgeted chick flick, along comes a new wave of TV ads that I saw during the male-oriented FOX Sunday night lineup that tries to make this look like one kickass action epic. But, come on guys, do oyu have nothing to show me other than that airplane scene? I want Superman kicking ass, dammit! Don't worry, next week I will do the same as I did for Batman Begins and begin weekly listings of all things Superman. The best artists, writers, and stories in the history of the Man of Steel, for those of you needing you fix of all things Super so as not to cry yourself to sleep thinking of how Bryan Singer is going to soon ruin our last best hope for a kickass Superman movie in this decade.

But let me make another quick movie recommendation in the midst of all this hyped-up summer blockbuster talk ...

ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL:

For anyone looking for an interesting, quirky, and funny summer film - here it is. The fans who have been looking forward to this probably already know the history and have already seen it, but for the uninitiated, the short version is ...

This is the new Terry Zwigoff film. Zwigoff got acclaim for his documentary Crumb and his offbeat comedy Bad Santa. But Art School is really the spiritual followup to GHOST WORLD, Zwigoff's previous collaberation with underground cartoonist Daniel Clowes, whose work inspired Ghost World and Art School. Ghost World showcased the unique, quirky visions of Clowes and Zwigoff, and had breakout performances from Thora Birch and a young Scarlett Johanson, as well as a great turn from Steve Buscemi. Art School is another tale of outsiders trying to navigate through the beginnings of adulthood, and while its not a direct Clowes adaptation like Ghost World was, the same unique sensibilities are at play.

There is a great cast here, and lots of funny performances from My Name Is Earl's Ethan Suplee, John Malkovich as a self-centered art teacher, and Anjelica Houston, also playing a strange teacher at the art academy attended by the lead character, Jerome. Sophia Myles stands out as Jerome's nude-model love interest, and overall the cast is great.

This is a really interesting movie in that it starts out as an almost too-typical college comedy, with lots of hilarious parodies of college life. There's the pretentious professors, the ass-kissing students, the overprotective parents, and the crazy roommates. As the film progresses, it becomes increasingly dark, and veers away from strict comedy into psychological thriller / mind-trip territory. while Ghost World had one distinctive tone that rode the edge between comedy and serious character study, Art School definitely becomes a totally different movie in its second half, which is pretty jarring.

But in the end, this is a movie well worth seeing. If you've ever been around artists of any kind, or are one yourself, this is a must-see for its dead-on satire of the art-student scene. Otherwise, anyone who was a fan of Ghost World, or is just looking for something different, should really check out the latest from Zwigoff and Clowes. It's not a perfect movie, but will make you laugh and get you thinking, and I look forward to a hopeful third effort from these two unique creative voices.

My Grade: B+

Alright - enjoy, be back tommorow for a 24 wrap-up. Tonight its two count-em two Jack Bauer hours of power, TWO game 7's in the NBA playoffs (dammit I wanted Cleveland to win yesterday), and several helpings of gravitas. And I'm out.