Nice Guys Finish Last, Get Fined, Ticketed, And Generally Screwed Over

As Sid Vicious once famously shouted:

"Whyyyyyyyy Meeeeeeeeeeeee?"

Dammit, it's only been a mere matter of months since my last foray into the unpleasant world of traffic tickets, and then, last night, I once again have a fateful run-in with Johnny Law. And you know what, I've said it before but I'll say it again - I never want to become one of those people who hate the police. I support law enforcement agencies and the job they're trying to do. I recognize that policemen have a really, really tough job and that it's their perogative to crack down when they see fit. But man, they are really pushing me. My experiences with Los-Angeles-area police have been nothing but negative. Since I've been here I've gotten totally screwed after being part of an accident. I've been fined and ticketed for the heinous crimes of: a.) parking for 10 minutes in the alley RIGHT BEHIND MY APARTMENT, and b.) not coming to a full stop at the stop sign that is practically in MY OWN DRIVEWAY, RIGHT OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT.

And now, of all things, I get a ticket for a freaking illegal U-turn. Yep, the policeman in Studio City saw fit to come afer me with sirens blaring and his voice booming over his car's loudspeaker. He saw fit to scream at me as if I had just committed murder. And of course, since this is me we're talking about, and I have about the worst luck ever when it comes to these things, I get called out about my CT driver's license and slapped with a misdemeanor as well for driving with an out-of-state license. And oh yeah, according to this Big Bossman wannabe, I am lucky that my car was not impounded for the perpetration of such godawful crimes against humanity. You know what, maybe Public Enemy had a point all those years ago ... and if you catch my meaning, I am kind of beginning to echo their famous sentiment ...

DAMMIT.

So in an instant, because of one ill-advised U-turn, I am totally screwed. I shudder to think what these fines are going to be, dollar-wise. I also shudder at the thought of having to complete driving school yet again (assuming I can since I did it so recently). I know, I know, this is just me freaking out, but what is the point of this blog if not as an outlet for my freakouts?

And you know what? The whole concept of the CA state law that one must have a state-issued driver's license within TEN DAYS of residency is absolute crap. And you know what else? I know of almost no CA transplants who acatually HAVE a CA license. But don't worry, friends, I have taken the fall for you. While YOU will probably never have to worry about whether you are driving with the correct state's license, I will be shelling out hundreds of dollars, likely going to Gov. Ahnold's motorcycle-buying fund which is funny since CA's OWN GOVERNOR blatantly admitted to FREQUENTLY DRIVING MOTORCYCLES WITHOUT EVER HAVING OBTAINED A VALID LICENSE TO DO SO. Luckily for him, the fines are mere pocket change. Hypocricy much?

I don't get it. I don't claim to being much, but I will claim to be a nice unassuming guy who is not really looking to cause any trouble. And yet I seem to just be a walking trouble-magnet when it comes to this kind of stuff. Me and authority figures on power trips just do not seem to mesh very well. And in cases like this, I come out on the losing end of YET ANOTHER stupid traffic-ticket-yielding encounter. And all because of a stupid U-Turn.

This kind of thing just gets me so upset. I bet you that in the 15 minutes that that cop was dicking me around, someone was robbed within a five mile radius. Maybe someone was raped, murdered, swindled, or harrassed. But yeah, let's pull over the nice Jewish boy in the unfortunately-tinted shiny red car and get off on making him panic and sweat a little. Well hope that some power-tripping member of the LAPD got his jollies. You really earned your paycheck last night, buddy.

And if it hadn't been for that unfortunate incident, I would have had a pretty fun night. It actually was a pretty fun night in spite of all that crap. But when I got home and looked at that ticket, and realized that now, in addition to all the usual stuff I have to worry about, there was all THIS, well, damn, it's just a bit much to deal with.

I have a lot more I'd like to talk about. I want to review The Inside Man which I saw today. I want to remind people about tommorow's Ricky Gervais-penned episode of The Simpsons. But no, I'm going to let this entry stand on it's own. Self-contained. A testament to the fact that sometimes, life really does seem to be unfair and you just don't understand how all the forces of ths universe seemed to conspire to trap you in that one exact moment where a small mistake promises to kickstart a downward spiral - a series of events that just turns and turns the screw until you really are screwed.

Yeah, I know, this has been a pretty rambling rant. But is it really any more worthless than one of those stupid myspace surveys? This is just me, makng a little attempt to excorcise my anger by putting it in written form. So thanks for bearing with me. See ya next time.