Monday, March 13, 2006

24: Vengeance - Thy Name Be Soul Patch!

If this is it, if this is truly it ...

... then let me just lower my eyes, droop down the corner of my mouth to one side, and say one, final, and always, always monotone:

"Yeah."

Here's to you, Tony Almeda. You went from being a barely-there side character in the 24-niverse to everyone's favorite soul-patch wielding CTU-bred ass-kicking machine. We were there for you as you slowly courted the lovely Michelle in a fairytale interoffice romance. We were there for you when you were shot in the neck and yet still lived to fight another day and kick even more terrorist ass. We were there when you had to put your wife's interests ahead of those of your country. We were there for you when you fell off the wagon, got ditched by Michelle, and started taking up with underage waifs. We rooted for you upon your glorious return to the field, where you saved Jack's life and made him forever in your debt. We were there when you reunited with Michelle and seemed to walk off into the sunset, mission accomplished. And then this season tragedy struck la casa del Almeda once more, as Michelle fell victim to a terrorist car bombing, and Tony barely survived, slipping into a debilitating coma. We waited and waited for Tony to emerge to wreak unholy havoc on those who would ruin him. And finally he awoke, but as deadly toxins leaked into CTU, the revenge spree was put on hold.

Finally, tonight - Tony vs. the mastermind - Henderson - the man who was behind Michelle's death. Tony goes in for the kill, defying orders as usual. But damn that Robocop - he was playing possum! And the weapon that would be his undoing instead became the possible death-dealer for a true hero, a true warrior, a true wielder of the Soul Patch of Mystical Fury. For in that soul patch is the Spirit of America itself, and as Tony fell, a Nation mourned as its hopes and dreams came crashing to a sudden and terrifying end.

If this is truly the end of Tony Almeda, then this truly is a sad day indeed. But wait! The final 24 countdown did not go silent as is the custom when a a main character passes on, as it did last week when our old pal Edgar met his untimely fate. Could Mr. Almeda once again have defied the odds and cheated death? Could fate have stayed her cruel hand, granting Tony life to fight another day, so that vengeance might yet be his? We can only hope. But if not, if this is the end, then surely, surely - we shall never forget - we shall never forget the day a Soul Patch died.

But yeah ...

AWESOME FRIGGIN' TWENTY-FOUR!

- Intensity from start to finish! Literally, people were holding their breath. Man, if I had been in Jack's shoes I'd be a goner for sure.

- "Jack, are you okay?" ... ... ... "No." = Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!

- Hmm, Vice President is named Hal Gardner. President is Charles Logan. Any other comic geeks out there who see the connection?

- Martial Law, baby! Do it!

- And let us not forget another who passed. Sean Astin, aka Samwise Gamgee, aka Lynn McGill, is no more. While his memory will live on, we bid a fond farewell to Lynn McGill, who though he was abrasive at first with his OCD, controlling ways, soon grew on us all as a man who simply wanted to do right by his country. Though he survived the fiery pits of Mordor, our portly hero could not survive the deadly nerve toxin unleashed upon CTU, and tonight - tonight he made the ultimate sacrifice. While he was only on 24 for a short while, McGill shall not go quietly into that great CTU in the sky. He will go out not as he came in, but as an honorary lietentant in the army of Jack Bauer. And I ask you, loyal reader, in the world of 24, what greater honor is there than that?

- It looks like Kim Bauer is out of the picture for the time being as well. Her return was brief, and mostly uneventful. Needs more cougar traps, says I.

- The Bad: "How did they infiltrate CTU?" Duh! "I'm a clinical psychologist." = LAME.

- But overall, this was great. Epic battles. Some lived, some died, and the mighty JAck was reduced to a quivering, eye-twitching lump of pent-up RAGE. One season 5 stalwart is definitely dead meat, Buckaroo Banzai is still on the loose awaiting a date with the cold hand of desitiny (aka a PISSED OFF Jack), and a Soul Patch's life hangs on the brink of oblivion. To be continued? I'm there. Next week, Prison Break is back, and that's cool, but dammit all, make mine 24. My grade: A

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'll be damned if that wasnt one of the best written eulogies I have ever scene. Thank you Danny B for making Tony Almeda a hero indeed

Anonymous said...

I meant seen or read which ever you prefer

Anonymous said...

he's still alive, he's just gotta be. tony, hang on! don't leave me...