Confessions of a Ticketbox Gopher

"Life ... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. You're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup, or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast, the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits, filled with hardened jelly and teeth-crunching nuts, and if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is a ... is an empty box ... filled with useless, brown paper wrappers." -- The Cigarette Smoking Man

Damn B, I was watching the classic CSM-centered X-Files ep today for a few minutes when I got home and was re-blown away by how freakin' good that episode and that show is. What show today would have the creativity, the wit, the sheer intelligence to provide quotes like the one above? None I tell you, none. Man I really miss The X-Files.

I am SOOOOO tired right now. Working at Ticketbox all day is absolutely draining. Just legions of people who are angry, upset, impatient, or just plain STUPID. Seriously, I wish I filmed them all with a video camera. Okay, people, you are GOING TO A TV SHOW. It is supposed to be FUN. Why is everyone in such a bad mood when they come to our office? This Southern family that came today was so upset that the 2 pm studio tour was sold out that they were throwing this huge group tantrum in the office, but the hilarious part was they were, no kidding, yelling stuff like "Dagnabbit!" and "By gum!" People actually say that? And EVERYONE wants the rules bent for them. It SAYS no photos on the wall and on all tickets. So why is some idiot pointing a camera at me and taking pictures ... JUST AS I'M TELLING HIM TO PUT HIS CAMERA AWAY? That'll be a good one for the scrapbook. Doing ticketbox you say the same thing over and over. You have to be 16 to go to the Tonight Show, you must have photo ID, get there early, it's not a guaranteed ticket, no I can't put you in the front row, please refer to the sign RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU for the answers to all ten questions you just asked. I swear to God, during the time in which people are coming in to check in with the guest list for Leno, there is a very large sign right in front of me stating very clearly that check in will not be until 3:15 pm. And YET, a good 65 percent of everyone coming in fails to notice or care what the sign says and approaches me to check in. Good times. Good times indeed.

And then they want to buy stuff. But they can't just buy stuff. They change their minds every five seconds, ask a million questions about each item, and ask repeatedly if we have T-shirts for this are that show, as if we would magically have them in a back room somewhere and not display them if we did. And this is just super for me who has little cash register jockeying experience.

So from 7:30 am to 5 pm, it's nonstop madness. The sheer stupidity, rudeness, and obnoxiousness that one has to deal with during that time is absolutely unbelievable. This one New Yawkish family, as so many others inexplicably do, was just lingering around the store for no particular reason, poking at every item and asking me about 10 billion questions for no particular reason, most of them not actually questions but mean-spirited statements. "You mean there's nothing else to do around here?" "So you don't really see anything that interesting on the tour?" and the kicker: "You know, you'd think that you guys would try to keep this place looking a bit more presentable. I mean I expected more. And it's very mildewy in here ..." Oh my god, leave, now, thinks I.

Now I foreget if I have ever documented this before, if I have then I apologize for repeating myself, but this phone call to NBC's ticket office was so absurd that while I'm talking about absurdity it bears (possibly repeated) mention. Here is an approximate transcript:

WOMAN: Hi, do you guys have any of those things ...?
ME: You mean tours?
WOMAN: No, not tours. Like, where they have studios and TV shows?
ME: Well we are NBC Studios, we do shoot TV shows here like The Tonight Show.
WOMAN: No, not like that. Like, where people can actually go to them.
ME: Well you can go to the Tonight Show ...
WOMAN: No I mean like kind of interactive ... like multimedia ...
ME: Okay I'm not sure what you mean ...
WOMAN: You know ...
ME: Sorry I really don't.
WOMAN: Well see I'm at Universal Studios. Don't you guys have those same things they have there?
ME: You mean RIDES?
WOMAN: Yeah, rides!
ME: No we're not a theme park, just a studio.
WOMAN: Well I'm on this thing now, it's called, um, Terminator 3-D. Don't you have that kind of thing?
ME: No, we are a studio wehre we make TV shows. We're not like Disneyworld.
WOMAN: Oh, you're not?
ME: No.
WOMAN: Well what other studios have rides?
ME: None! Universal Studios is a THEME PARK, like Disneyland. It's a totally different thing.
WOMAN: But they make movies here. I saw them.
ME: Yeah, but they are also a separate theme park. They are the only ones who do that. There's no NBC-Land, or Paramount-Land, or Warner-Brothers Land.
WOMAN: There's not?
ME: Nope, sorry.
WOMAN: Well that's too bad.

THIS CONVERSATION REALLY HAPPENED, PEOPLE! Holy lord I wanted to bang my head against a wall just typing that.

So yeah, ticket box and the people who come to it are not my favorite thing to do at NBC.

ANYWAYS ...

NBA PLAYOFF QUICK THOUGHTS:

Finally - a classic game - and whatta game it was. Heats-Nets, Double OT, Vince Carter with some big shots (Half Man, Half Amazing) but it wasn't enought to overcome Batman Robin and Alfred (okay Alfred had kind of a crappy game). But Dwayne Wade might be the best player in the NBA, and the Heat are (excuse the pun) on fire.

Reggie Miller has another out of body experience. 30+ points, again, and the Pacers whup the Celtics. Some fists flew between A. Walker and J. O'Neal, if any suspensions occur it could be huge.

Dallas comes back and beats houston, and it's now 2 to 1. Dallas could come back and win if T Mac and especially Yao don't step it up a notch.

SMALLVILLE:

Crappy plot (amnesia!), but some nice acting and character moments save yesterday's ep from sucking. The actors really shine on this show, and they really have charisma and chemistry amongst each other -- too bad they are stuck in the SAME PLOT EVERY EPISODE. My grade: C+

THE OC:

No OC today thanks to Prez. Bush interrupting it.

JACK AND BOBBY:

Whoah. Missy is dead! Wow, did not see that one coming. And double wow, this episode, as has been the case recently, was excellent. It seems like the threat of cancellation has really loosened up the show's writers and given them the will to cut loose and aim high. Every story arc in this ep was was really on the ball, from the Missy stuff to the Jack-Courtney saga to Bobby on a school field trip with his mom as chaperone. Really good. Check out this show. My grade: A

For all those observing passover - keep on truckin' for a few more days and Say No To Bread.

J-Lo hits the Tonight Show tommorow.

Today - can you believe they had to add extra security to today's Leno taping because of guest Jane Fonda? Why? Because people are still pissed at her for PROTESTING THE VIETNAM WAR! Get over it, so did half the country.

Oh, I must say I really enjoyed Rosie O'Donnell on yesterday's show. Yep, you heard me. I was really happy for her that the crowd seemed to be responding positively as well. I don't know what happened to her lately, why she was suddenly all ultra mean spirited and had such a bad attitude, but the fact is that the woman is, believe it or not, a very talented comidienne. It was great to see her back cracking wise and being witty and funny, yet still keeping her down to earth, cheery persona on yesterday's show. Hate all you want, but her segment was one of the better interviews I've seen on the show in a while. (ps - Laura Bush's interview the other day turned out to be terrible! she was awkward and without much of a sense of humor, and Jay was awkward and pandering and not that funny in the first place -- overall it was pretty bad --- next time, book the Bush twins - now THAT could be entertaining!)

Alright, those crazy run-on sentances mean it's time to call it quits for today. Happy Friday.