"GO CHEETAH, GET BANANA! HEY MONKEY - GET FUNKY!"

Things I Want To Do -- By Danny Baram:

- Find people who are good at singing and playing instruments and record a comedy album.

- Create a sketch comedy demo tape

- Write for an Onion-style newspaper

- Write the pilot episodes for several TV show ideas I have

- Edit my IBA screenplay down to 120 or so pages

- write a comic book and get someone to draw it, publish it through a small press label

- make an indie film and market it to festivals

- do a parody music video a la Lazy Sunday

If you are interested in doing any of these things, let me know. I want to CREATE stuff already. Anybody else in?

OTHER STUFF:

- Well Passover is finally over, and its conclusion was celebrated in spectacular style by some friends and I last night at The Olive Garden - aka home of manna from heaven in earthly form in the guise of unlimited breadsticks and salad. I think anyone who was skeptical about the sublime quality of The 'Garden was converted last night, as the breadsticks, salad, and hearty entrees were consumed with voracious appetitite and vigorous enthusiasm by one and all. If only my old BU cohorts like Aksel, Mimi, and co could have been there to partake in the meal ...

- Many interesting movies soon to be released. This weekend Kiefer tests the waters for a 24 movie in the form of playing Jack Bauer lite in The Sentinel, though the reviews have not been very promising. American Dreamz opens, which I've been looking forward to and will likely see for free at Universal tommorow. And videogame adaptation Silent Hill, which actually looks kinda sweet, comes out and I am definitely curious about it as I am a fan of surreal / mysterious / atmospheric horror stuff. Also interested to see The Notorious Bettie Page, as it looks to be a well done look at the fascinating life of Ms. Page.

- My new obsession of late, thanks to my brother Matt's generally strange taste in music, is the wonderfully weird euro-techno-pop song TARZAN AND JANE, by the Aqua-like group TOYBOX. A quick search on YouTube will not only get you the actual, hilarious music video to this unnaturally catchy song, but also a number of funny home-made videos of random people filming themselves singing it and posting the result on the web for all to see. Here are some of the awesome lyrics so you can sample the fruity euro hilarity for yourself ...

Oy yoy yoy yoy yoy yoy yay!...
Deep in the jungle, in The Land Of Adventure, lives Tarzan
Oy yoy yoy yoy yoy yoy yay!...
I am tarzan from jungle, you can be my friend
Oy yoy yoy yoy yoy yoy yay!...
I am Jane, and I love to ride an elephant
My name is Tarzan, I am Jungle-man
The tree-top swinger from jungle-land
Come, baby come
I will take you for a swing
Let's go, honey, I'm tinkeling
Tarzan is handsome, Tarzan is strong
He's really cute, and his hair is long
Tarzan is handsome, Tarzan is strong
So listen to the jungle-song:
Oy yoy yoy yoy yoy yoy yay!...
I am Tarzan from jungle, you can be my friend
Oy yoy yoy yoy yoy yoy yay!...
I am Jane, and I love to ride an elephant
When you touch me, I feel funny
I feel it too, when you're touching me
Come to my tree-house to my party
Yes, I'll go if you carry me
Tarzan is handsome, full of surprise.
He's really cute, and his hair is nice
Tarzan is handsome, Tarzan is strong
So listen to the Jungle-song:
Oy yoy yoy yoy yoy yoy yay!...
I am Tarzan from jungle, you can be my friend
Oy yoy yoy yoy yoy yoy yay!...
I am Jane, and I love to ride an elephant
Go Cheetah, get banana
Hey monkey, get funky!

So join the cult of TARZAN AND JANE. Once you listen it will be in your head forever! Bwahahahahaha!

- On another note, I think its pretty sad and pathetic how many blogs, myspace bulletins, etc, I've had to read about it being 4/20. Who the hell cares? Seriously, how lame is it for twenty somethings to treat their pot-smoking habit like its this cool counter-culture thing that makes them part of some exclusive little club that even gets its own holiday. Well guess what -- if you're incapable of being creative, or having philosophical conversations, or laughing at stupid humor, or chilling out with friends when NOT under the influence of a drug, then smoking some pot is not going to change much. So yeah, spend all your cash and ruin your lungs on a stupid substance that the media has brainwashed you into thinking is cool. Guess what -- you've been had -- you're wasting your life and you'll probably never amount to crap. Sorry to get on a soap box here, but I just think the whol thing is sad. I mean its funny for a minute, sure ... ohhh, 4/20, haha, pot brownies, hilarious, etc ... then when you really think about it though, about all these people posing as some kind of hippies when they are likely spoiled rich kids who wouldn't know counterculture if it bit them in the ass. Yep, 4/20 is gonna be pretty cool when you're wrinkled, lung-cancer infected ass is sitting in your mom's basement at age 50 laughing at Cheech and Chong. Look, I am not going to diss anyone for being a pot-smoker. Whatever, if that's what you wanna do then fine. Just don't go around pretending like what you're doing is so damn cool or cutting-edge or worth bragging about, because please, it's just not.

TV STUFF:

GILMORE GIRLS:

It must be said -- this week's Gilmore Girls was AMAZING. As is often the case with Paladino-written and directed episodes, this episode just bristled with witty dialogue, humor, heart, and just an amazing study of character. This whole ep, until the last few tragic minutes, was just so much fun. Any viewer coming familiar with the quirks of family life had to appreciate the hilarity of Lane's wedding. It started out as a traditional Buddhist affair -- but that was only a facade to please Lane's visiting grandmother. Then it became a quiet, plain church wedding, but that was only done to appease Lane's strict mother. Just as the guests were getting restless, Lane's mom goes home to rest, and out comes the booze, Lane's own rock band takes the stage, and the party begins. This whole sequence was just friggin' brilliant. Seriously, this is one of the best pure episodes of TV I've seen in a long while. It overflowed with real humor, real tragedy, and real emotion to the point where it really was one of those moments that validated television as a legitimate entertainment medium for me -- something capable of producing real pop art and not just derivative junk. This was simply a great piece of television, no two ways about it. My grade: A +

On another note though, it is a huge blow to this show that the Paladinos are apparently leaving after this season. In this case, I kind of feel that the show should just end as well -- it's too much of a singular vision, and its no coincidence that all the best episodes of the show include heavy involvement by the husabnd and wife team. While the show does not really seem to be heading towards a satisfying point at which to end the SERIES by the end of this season, it is hard to imagine the show continuing without its creators' involvment. There is definitely plenty of storyline left for another season or two, at least until Rory graduates college, and the show is highly rated, so it makes sense for it to be a fixture of the CW's new fall lineup. But it would definitely be a huge jump the shark moment if it continued Palladino-less, which is too bad.

VERONICA MARS:

As predicted, this week's ep was another good one, with a ton of plotlines crisscrossing and converging as the central, season-long mystery of the bus crash races towards its conclusion. Awesome stuff, great acting, even a little action as Keith Mars gets into it with the Fitzpatricks. My latest theory is that a cabal of people conspired to crash the bus, each with different motives, and with possibly none of them knowing who else was involved. It almost has to be a group of ppl that were responsible, because there are just too many motives that have been put out there. Woody Goodman to prevent the "outing of all outings." Kendall Casablancas to off Dick and Beav and collect on the insurance money. Aaron Echols to exact revenge on Veronica. And the Fitzpatricks as a way of tightening their grip on the PCH'ers. My feeling that the conspirators did not know of each other is mostly due to Aaron Echols seemingly not having met Kendall Casablancas until recently. Hmmm ... any other theories? As for this last episode, my grade: A

- Have Smallville and The OC (Anna returns!) recorded for viewing in the near future.

- Come on NBC, how about putting THE OFFICE on a regular schedule where new episodes don't come less frequently than the newspaper does to W's oval office.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

- Once again, Olive Garden = magic.

- Hey monkey, get funky!

- Ninjas are cool. So are robots.

- This weekend: NBA PLAYOFFS begin! In terms of possible upsets, conventional wisdom is that Indiana COULD take New Jersey ... other than that I don't see LA upsetting Phoenix or da' Bulls knocking off Miami. Miami wil lreestablish themselves as a force in the playoffs, I predict, though the sad truth is that Detroit and San Antonio are still in a league of their own. I'd love to see LeBron go crazy in the playoffs and really begin to build up his legacy as a top performer, though who knows if he'll step up. Im sure we can expect lots of huge performances from Kobe, but Nash and co are just too much for 'em. The Clips though could, perish the thought, actually make it to the second round, for the first time since, well, do they make record books that go back that far ...? A potential LA vs. LA 2nd round matchup is intriguing, though I can't say I'm that interested given that I still have nto gotten over my hatred for most LA sports teams weaned from years as a New Englander. No Celts this year = kinda pathetic. That franchise needs a major shot in the arm (aka trade Paul Pierce!). Who am I actually rooting for? No idea -- last year at this time I was hoping against hope that Reggie Miller would have one last shot at championship glory. This year, it's a new era for me as a fan, and all my old favorites are now out of the picture. All I can hope for is some good basketball, I guess. Or maybe it's simply time to start rooting for someone like 'Zo to finally get their ring. Or not ...

- Alright, I'm out. Sayonara, suckaaaas.