NINJA ASSASSIN Review:
- Let me start by getting the following out of the way: NINJA ASSASSIN has some of the most badass scenes of ultra-violent, hardcore NINJA action that I've ever seen. I mean, HOLY BALLS, there are some action sequences in this movie that are pure ownage. Many times, the awesomeness was almost too much to comprehend - I had to glance over to my friends to make sure that they too were seeing the same insanity that I was. Swords, blades, and yes, ninja stars all make an appearance, and they do things to other ninjas that are the stuff of every red-blooded boys' fourth grade notebook doodles. For the many scenes of AWESOME NINJA POWER contained in this movie, Ninja Assassin is a must-see for anyone who appreciates the many ways in which ninjas kick ass (and oh, there are many).
And man, if only, *if only*, there was a solid script to match the coolness of the action scenes. If Ninja Assassin had a halfway decent storyline, then I think it would go down as a modern martial-arts classic. The problem here is that, for all the awesomeness on display, there is a near-equal dosage of sucktitude when it comes to the plotting, dialogue, and yes, the acting. It's a damn shame, because it shouldn't have been that hard to come up with a servicable script for a movie like this. I mean, it's NINJA ASSASSIN! Is it that difficult to come up with a basic, adrenaline-soaked story to frame the action with? Instead, the movie inserts a near-incomprehensible, boring-ass plotline about a bunch of "Europol" (not Interpol, for some reason) agents who are tracking down the murderous ninja clan to which our hero, Raizo, used to belong. I'm not sure why they are tracking the ninjas, or why they're based in Berlin, or why we should care about the agent characters. But they're there, and they take up many scenes with nonsensical yet cliched dialogue. And couldn't they at least have gotten a better actress for the lead "Europol" agent role? Naomie Harris just doesn't pull it off at all - some of this may be the script's fault, not hers, but man, is her character bland here. Same goes for her partner - absolutely as bland and boring as can be.
On the other hand, there's clearly huge star-potential in Rain, the martial-arts action star who plays the lead role of Raizo. The guy has a natural charisma, and makes for a totally badass ninja to boot. I'm sure Rain will be popping up in many bigtime movies from here on out, because he definitely kicks major tail in this film. I also thought that veteran ninja-movie actor Sho Kosugi made for a pretty awesome lead villain, as the grizzled and vicious leader of the clan which Raizo has fled from. When Rain and Sho have their climactic showdown at the movie's end, the clash of the two ninja titans is epic indeed.
It's hard to praise Ninja Assassin as much as I'd like to, because so many parts of the plot feel like really lame B-movie stuff (and not so-bad-it's-awesome, just confusing and head-scratching). At the same time ... I also can't emphasize enough how badass certain action scenes are. The opening ten minutes or so, for example, is an absolutely mind-boggling display of total ninja destruction. No doubt, the movie kicks off with a huge bang. Later, there's an amazing ninja chase / fight scene through city traffic that was flat-out intense. And so many other fight scenes are just plain cool - the ninjas in this movie move with supernatural speed and stealth. There's just the right amount of otherworldy mysticism at work to give the ninjas a mythical, almost supernatural quality. That said, when Raizo at one point gets hit with like 50 simultaneouly-hurled shurikens, the pain feels oh-so-real. Ouch. Director James McTeigue (V For Vendetta) goes balls to the wall - his action is brutal, epic, and ultra-fast-paced. Ninja-like, you might say. The movie might have dropped the ball on everything else, but you can't deny that McTeigue and co. pull off some memorably-staged throwdowns.
That's the great thing about ninjas - you can't really "Twilight-ize" 'em. Vampires may have been defanged of late in pop-culture, but I think ninjas are mostly immune to all that. Okay, I guess there was Vanilla Ice's Ninja Rap back in the day, but still ... it's nice to know that ninja movies like this one may suffer from hokey stories and questionable acting, but dammit, they still feature ninjas, and that means ass-kicking, cool swords, throwing-stars, and plenty of ninja-style ownage.
So here's the deal: if you like kickass ninja action (and who doesn't?), you should probably run out right now and see Ninja Assassin. Just be prepared to sit through some really weaksauce story and dialogue in-between the awesome action scenes. But hey, it's probably worth it to just grin and bear it, because as they say in the movie (well, I'm paraphrasing, but still ...), a true ninja knows not the meaning of pain.
My Grade: B
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