PAIN & GAIN Is Whacked-Out Michael Bay at His Most Excessive

PAIN & GAIN Review:

- After the last couple of Transformers movies, I'll be honest ... my desire to see any new film by Michael Bay was at an all-time low. There was a time when I considered Michael Bay to be a promising action director who had the ability to deliver big, epic, over-the-top, high-concept roller-coaster-rides with aplomb. I'll always hold a special place for the cheesy awesomeness that is THE ROCK (the movie, not Dwayne Johnson). But dozens of crappy movies later ... I'd about had it. Now, Pain & Gain is at least an attempt by Bay to do something a little different. It's a smaller-scale story that still has its share of action. It's got some dark humor, and a subversive streak of social satire lurking somewhere in there. And Bay approaches the story with an eye towards mixing things up stylistically. He throws in little fourth-wall-breaking moments. He isn't afraid to get sort of weird in his creative choices. And hey, he's got a dream cast of talented actors, adept at both playing the badass but also at being self-deprecatingly funny. There are reasons to like Pain & Gain. It's worth watching for those reasons. But there is also a realization here: Michael Bay is now incapable of cranking it down a notch, even when that's exactly what he should be doing.

What do I mean? I mean that, like I said, this is a small-scale story. But Bay just plain *attacks* it. The colors are hypersaturated. The camera angles are extreme. There's slo-mo, speed-up, and yes, numerous "vintage Michael Bay" shots of swirling helicopters, groups of guys cocking their guns in slo-mo sync-up, dudes in silhouette with red-sky backdrops as the camera circles around them ... And, oh yeah, Bay doesn't stay with any given shot for more than three seconds - the rapid-fire cuts come at you as if the movie were edited while under the influence of some seriously potent drugs. One can only imagine that the movie's script includes the words "SMASH CUT" on numerous occasions. But ... why is this the case? Why, for his smallest movie in years, did Bay feel the need to dial up his Bay-ness to eleven? I have no idea. At times, the overall absurdity of the movie's look and directorial style does add to its comedy. But mostly, you just wish that it had been handled by someone who knew how to make a point without also trying to make you hurl.

The movie's extreme visual style is a bit of an eye sore, no question. A few directors, like the late great Tony Scott, were able to pull this sort of thing off in a way where extreme, amped-up stylization contributed to a movie's atmospherics and tonality in a positive way. But that doesn't really happen here. There's no apparent artistic rhyme or reason to most of the creative choices. What's worse though - the movie ends up being all surface, no substance. It's frustrating, because the movie seems to hint at having some thoughts on things like The American Dream. It seems to have some ambition to satirize American culture and physical fitness culture. It appears to have one or two things on its mind. But those things are never explored in any meaningful way. Other filmmakers might have crafted a parable with some thematic resonance. Bay puts in some surface-level "artsy" touches, but for the most part films this as if it's Transformers 4.

The story of Pain & Gain, based on a true story, is interesting. It takes place in the mid 90's, and tells the tale of a group of jacked-up bodybuilders who are as frustrated with their lot in life as they are pleased with their puffed-up pecs. Mark Wahlberg plays Daniel Lugo, a bodybuilder and trainer who, despite his relative success, wants more. When he begins training a middle-aged millionaire named Victor Kershaw (a very good Tony Shaloub), Lugo becomes increasingly envious of his client's wealth and success. Determined to make a big move to up his station in life, Lugo recruits fellow muscled-up malcontents Paul Doyle (Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson) and Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) to kidnap Kershaw and force him to sign over all of his assets to them.

The movie unfolds as a comedy of errors, with Lugo and his bumbling crew of novice criminals screwing things up and self-sabotaging at every turn. Honestly, I give a huge amount of credit to the cast here - they are all excellent, and sell every line, every gag, every bit of over-the-top absurdity to the nth degree. Wahlberg in particular is in top form - bringing the same sort of earnestness-meets-naivete that he displayed in Ted to the role of Lugo. Wahlberg is consistently entertaining throughout, from his misguided adherence to a con-job self help guru (Ken Jeong) to his hilarious interactions with the kids who live in his neighborhood (he talks to them about scoring with the ladies as if they were his peers and not wide-eyed ten year olds). The Rock and Mackie are also both quite good. The Rock, in particular - while his character is written completely inconsistently, it's nice to see him finally play a character that gives him a chance to be a little more big and broad, and a little more like his in-ring "Rock" persona. Shaloub is fantastic in the role - slimy and sleazy, yet oddly sympathetic, in his role as self-made millionaire Kershaw. And I'll also mention the great Ed Harris, who shows up late as a private investigator working for Kershaw. One thing I'll say about Michael Bay: he always manages to get super badass performances out of Harris (though I guess he is always pretty badass, so maybe it's not all that impressive). In any case, Harris is quite good, and brings some real gravitas to the film - conveying things in his facial expressions that add a nuance and a deeper meaning to the film that I'm guessing may not have been in the script. Oh - Rebel Wilson gets in some funny moments as Anthony Mackie's doting wife.

On that note, the jumpy, manic script fits Michael Bay's style, but ultimately does its characters a disservice by giving them a bare minimum of understandable motivation or personality. I mentioned The Rock's character earlier - despite Dwayne Johnson doing his best and having some funny moments, the character is a mess. He's a born-again ex-con cokehead who seems to be completely all over the map. His character seems to behave completely sporadically and randomly according to the whims of the script. Mackie's character is extremely undercooked. And Wahlberg - well, the whole movie centers around his quest for the American Dream, for self-made perfection. But it all feels totally hollow. Anything that the movie seems to want to say about these characters gets lost in all of its sound and fury. There's nothing to take away from it all, except some very vague concepts about what happens when a couple of overly ambitious guys get in way over their heads. The lack of self-examination or awareness makes the movie feel strangely immoral. As in, the three main characters go from well-meaning dumbasses to pretty horrible, violent, murderous people over the course of the movie. But the movie never really comments on this or addresses it. I guess the blase attitude towards the characters' immorality is supposed to be part of the joke? I don't know. Because Michael Bay is incapable of filming violence in a way that *isn't* supposed to look badass, it's hard to tell what he's going for at any given moment in the film.

Pain & Gain can be a fun film. It's got a great cast that helps to elevate the movie's humor. And so there are some genuinely funny and entertaining moments. And as pure car-crash style exploitation entertainment, there's definitely more than enough energy and perpetual motion in the film to keep your attention. But again, it's all pretty hollow. Frustrating, given how a story like this seems to demand some sort of thematic justification for being told in movie form. What does this real-life story tell us about America? What is its worth other than as an eye-grabbing tabloid headline? And that, essentially, is what this movie is: tabloid sleaze told with tabloid-style excess - filtered through the lens of Michael Bay.

My Grade: C+

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION Is Joe For the XBOX Age

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION Review

- The first G.I. Joe movie was, to me, a pleasant surprise. Instead of an overly grim and "edgy" reimagining of a beloved kids' property from the 80's, we got a fun, over-the-top action film that embraced the show's cartoon and comic-book roots. Stephen Sommers is an underrated director who makes the most of any film he works on - visually, few can match him for sheer spectacle. Now, it's director Jon Chu's turn to try his hand at building G.I. Joe into a legitimate action franchise. Based on box office numbers, he's done his job. But is this sequel enough to get nostalgic fanboy's blood pumping? Or is this a weaksauce cash-in, whose troubled production schedule is indicative of a disaster-in-the-making? The fact is, the movie is fun and harmless - with some nice moments and some fist-pump worthy action scenes. But, it also lacks the madcap comic-book fun of the first film, giving the film a greyed-out feel, with only scattered moments of color and vibrancy.

Here's what *is* sort of awesome about the move:

1.) Jonathan Pryce playing the shape-shifting Zartan inhabiting the body of Jonathan Pryce/The President of the United States. Look, Pryce is a phenomenal actor, one who can do more with a subtle head nod or half-smile than most can do with an entire monologue. He does a fantastic job of making Evil President truly and entertainingly evil. And in fact, Pryce emerges as the movie's unlikely MVP. He spouts all kinds of gleefully menacing lines. When a terrified diplomat asks him what he wants, he flashes a sinister grin and hisses "I want it all." Awesome. Plus, Pryce even plays opposite himself - as the actual, not-evil President - and manages to do a bang-up job of it. G.I. Joe is lucky to have him as such a big part of the cast.

2.) There is something crazy going on in this movie with fan-favorite ninja-Joe, Snake Eyes. While most of the movie is a little more reigned-in, a lot less cartoonish and crazy than the first film - Snake Eyes and eternal nemesis Storm Shadow are in their own mini ninja epic that seems to be playing out in parallel to the rest of the film. In this quasi film-within-the-film, RZA of the Wu-Tang Clan plays a bushy-browed sensei, Elodie Young plays a badass warrior woman named Jinx, and there are all kinds of insane ninja fights. In fact, midway through the movie, there is an action sequence so badass and so breathtaking that it literally seems like it's excerpted from a different movie altogether. In this scene - which has been previewed in most of the trailers - Snake Eyes and Jinx engage in a jaw-dropping battle with an army of Cobra ninjas while suspended from the side of a rocky, snow-covered mountain. And it is one of the coolest action scenes I've seen in some time. And yet, nothing else in the film even comes close to it - or even feels like it came from the same director. Seriously, what is going on here? It's like someone ran up to John Chu and pumped him up with a nitro boost before he went to direct that scene. Or else Stephen Sommers was brought in to inject some Mummy-style awesome on the sly. I don't know. But damn, what a scene. Overall though, the tone of the Snake Eyes segments is pretty crazy - aping old kung-fu flicks and possessed of a reckless abandon that the rest of the movie lacks. It creates some pretty jarring tonal inconsistency, but still, I dug all the Snake Eyes stuff.

3.) Walton Goggins plays a badass prison warden. No, he doesn't use his cool accent from Justified, but he still sort of rules it, and gets in a moment or two where he gets to go toe to toe with Storm Shadow. No, this is not a part anywhere near worthy of Walton Goggins, but still, a nice surprise.

Here's what is a mixed bag in the movie:

1.) The Rock. I always come away from watching The Rock in an action movie thinking that he is a pretty solid actor. But at the same time, he rarely wows me. He's a hard worker - you can tell he's not just going through the motions. And yet, he sort of is. He's playing "The Rock" - not the charismatic and hilarious prima donna WWE character, but the toned-down, generic blue-collar badass-with-a-soft-side version that crops up in most movies starring Dwayne Johnson. Which is to say that his turn here as Roadblock is pretty bland. The Rock is watchable, he's entertaining, but I also don't know if he'll ever be as entertaining as he is when he's the WWE version of "The Rock." Roadblock is basically a generic tough guy bruiser type. Nothing special, not a memorable character in any way shape or form.

2.) Cobra Commander. There's actually a huge upside to Joseph Gordon-Levitt not returning to this film as Cobra Commander: we actually get to see the character with his mask on the whole movie, looking straight out of the cartoons, using a modulated voice that sounds awesomely evil. Great, right? Not so much, because Cobra Commander - aside from looking cool - does jack squat the whole movie. Zartan is really the one with the screentime (along with Ray Stevenson's Firefly, who's sort of the hired thug of Cobra), but it's a mistake to leave CC on the sidelines for so much of the film. We never really get a sense of the cult of Cobra, of his hold on his followers, of him as an uber-villain. He's mostly just there.

3.) Adrianne Palicki. She's pretty good as Lady Jay. She looks the part. She believably kicks ass. She does solid work here. Too bad she's stuck in a lame, chemistry-less romance with personality-less Flint.

Speaking of which, here's what sort of sucks about G.I. JOE:

1.) Flint. This dude sucks. He does parkour stuff and, well, that's about it. Not worthy of main-player status. And as played by DJ Cotrona, he's bland as hell.

2.) Destro. He makes a cameo, but then isn't in the movie, with no real explanation except Cobra Commander saying something about how he's "not in the band anymore." Um, what? Maybe this is all set up for G.I. Joe 3: Destro's Revenge? I don't know. Lame.

3.) Bruce Willis as "Joe," the original G.I. Joe. Yep, his name is freakin' Joe, and *that's* why they are called Joes. Really? Yes, really. Anyways, Willis pretty much sleepwalks through this one, and does nothing that cool or interesting. And his character adds nothing to the Joe mythology and feels tacked-on. Couldn't we have gotten Sgt. Slaughter or something for this role? I'm not saying Willis doesn't have some fun moments, but they're all based on "look, it's Bruce Willis as a world-weary grizzled badass who's too old for this $#%&." In other words, 90% of all Bruce Willis roles.

4.) The pacing of the plot is broken. Basically, the end of this movie should have been the middle. The film is way too concerned with giving extra screentime to Channing Tatum's ill-fated Duke in the first act, and not nearly concerned enough with raising the stakes and positioning Cobra as a serious threat. Zartan and co. take over the White House and replace the American Flag with the Cobra flag - awesome ... if it happened in the middle of the movie, setting up a Cobra-controlled government that only the now-rogue Joes could topple. But withing the span of minutes, the Cobra flag is flown, the Joes burst on the scene, and the day is saved before Old Glory has even touched the ground. Basically, it makes the movie's third act feel rushed and fairly anticlimactic.

5.) Cobra's plot is pretty uninspired. We can infer that they want to use Zartan-as-Prez to arrange a forced disarmament of the world's nuclear powers, but then secretly have the newly-installed Cobra world order control the last remaining nukes. I'm not saying it's not a good plan, from a practical perspective. I'm just saying from a story perspective, it's so cut and dried as to be, well, boring. I mean, this is Cobra we're talking about. They must have some master plan beyond just controlling the nukes? Perhaps if we were allowed to glimpse what the world would look like under Cobra's iron fist (see above), their plan would have a bit more oomph. But as it stands, it feels too much like we're watching the plot of a "24" movie play out, except with guys named Roadblock and Firefly instead of Jack Bauer.

Overall, I found G.I. JOE: RETALIATION to be a pretty enjoyable - if not sort-of-stupid - popcorn flick. The Snake Eyes segments showed glimpses of the type of visual imagination and flair I would have liked to have seen throughout the rest of the film. But mostly, I was a bit surprised at how, well, ordinary everything felt. Perhaps it's a sign of the times that this G.I. Joe feels in some ways less like the colorful cartoons of the 80's and more like the brown-hued worlds of Halo and Gears of War (they even replicate those games' fire-and-seek-cover mechanics in the action scenes) - more about big guns and bad attitudes than over-the-top costumes and personalities. This G.I. Joe is, certainly, more XBOX 360, less Saturday morning cartoon.

My Grade: B-