A TRIBUTE TO MY GRANDMA - Sally Wagner
Sally Wagner sadly passed away on February 26th, 2013. The below is my eulogy to her.
- Many people – myself included – wonder how I got to be the way I am. In a family of lawyers and politicians, how on earth did I end up a writer, a reader, a movie-loving creative type who moved to Hollywood in order to work in the entertainment business? The truth is, perhaps the single biggest influence on my life, and the person who most made me what I am, has been my grandma, Sally Wagner.
Sally, or just “Grandma” as she is known to my brother and I, was pretty much the coolest person I’ve ever known. I know, it sounds strange to describe one’s grandma as cool, but it’s true. My grandma was downright awesome. From an early age, she instilled in me a love of stories and imagination. In fact, Grandma was probably the best storyteller I’ve ever met. She could read a book or a passage or an article aloud, and as soon as you heard her distinct, calming, reassuring, Boston-accented voice, you couldn’t help but be captivated. Many of my earliest memories of my grandma involve me, curled up beside her on a chair or on her lap, enraptured by the book she was reading or the story she was telling me. One thing I always marveled at was that my grandma owned every Oz book there was – and she and my mom shared a fascination with all things Wizard of Oz-related. When I was little, I used to sit with Grandma as she read every Oz book to me – and later to my brother - one by one. I didn’t want to experience the books any other way except with her reading them to me – nothing else could match the way she told the story.
My Grandma taught me to use my imagination and to dare to think differently. Before I was old enough to watch them, Grandma would tell me about her favorite episodes of Quantum Leap or Dr. Who or Star Trek: The Next Generation. She described the stories so well that I felt like I had seen the shows. The joy that my Grandma took from these stories was contagious – and she opened my mind to all of the far-out concepts that became my passion. She loved talking to me about all of the wonders the future would bring. And she would always say “I hope I’m around to see all those things.” “So do I,” I would think. When I myself finally graduated to more adult TV shows, one of my first favorites was The X-Files. The show had mysteries, conspiracies, monsters, and aliens – everything that I loved. The show became me and Grandma’s thing. After dinner, we’d go down into her living room, shut off the lights, and watch a new episode. Grandma would sometimes be busy cleaning up after the meal, but I’d yell for her to come downstairs and join me. It just wasn’t the same without her.
Grandma was always willing to indulge me in whatever it was I was into. When I drew a picture, I’d show it to her to get her approval. When I had a new favorite show, I’d beg her to watch it with me. Yes, as a kid, I loved spending Saturday nights with my grandmother. Because when my parents were away, and Grandma would babysit, that meant that she’d be there to watch “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” with me. When I got a new videogame, I’d excitedly explain to her why it was cool. And she’d always listen - she never walked away or dismissed me. She was always there for me.
Like I said, I had the coolest Grandma ever. She loved Star Trek and The X-Files and The Wizard of Oz. She read all the Harry Potter books. She loved reading and read voraciously. She loved drawing, and was an absolutely incredible artist who was capable of producing stunning and lifelike drawings. Of course, I always just wanted her to draw me superheroes. And she drew some amazing ones.
Me and my Grandma were alike in so many ways, it’s scary. We both loved sleeping late. During a busy week, I would tell Grandma about how I couldn’t wait for the weekend, to just sleep, lie in bed, read, and relax. She’d smile, and say “yeah, that’s the good stuff!” We both had a bit of a sweet tooth. She would caution me and my brother not to eat too many candy or cookies, lest we end up with some of the same tooth problems she had. But, when a good dessert crossed her path, my Grandma would indulge, even if just a tiny sliver. Like I said, she had an expert appreciation for the good stuff, and I think she and I pretty much agreed on what the “good stuff” in life was. We both had slightly inappropriate senses of humor, and it has to be said that my Grandma was one of the funniest, wittiest people I’ve ever known. Not only did she have great taste in comedy – but she had a sharp wit that didn’t dull for a second, even as she got older. She could really tell it like it is, but she was also the best person with whom to commiserate about anything and everything. She had an infectious laugh and a comforting smile. She never failed to find the humor in any situation, could always brighten a bleak situation with humor, and could always appreciate a good dirty joke – even if she feigned shock and horror upon hearing it. She loved to disapprovingly remark how raunchy her favorite TV comedies were getting. But make no mistake, she secretly loved the raunchiness. No question, for better or worse, my own offbeat sense of humor was shaped by my Grandma.
And no doubt, in more ways than I can count, I am my grandma’s grandson.
One of the most important things that Grandma taught me was the importance of being young at heart. She would always laugh at all the “old bubbes” she saw around town, and exclaim how she never wanted to be one of them. And she never was. Even as she got older, my grandma rarely seemed old.
Even more importantly, Grandma was always there for us. Literally, she was always there when we needed her. As a kid, every Tuesday and Thursday was a “Grandma Day.” While my mom was working late, teaching Hebrew school, my brother and I would come home from school to find our Grandma waiting for us. Usually, she’d be sitting at the kitchen table, sifting through magazines, most likely watching Oprah. After a long day, I don’t think there could have been any sight more comforting to come home to. My brother and I would grab a snack, join her, and tell her all of our problems. And that’s the other way in which Grandma was always there for us. She was the best listener, the best advice-giver, and the best advocate and supporter of her grandchildren. And all I could say to anyone who messed with us was: watch out! Our Grandma always offered to personally track down any bully who bothered us, any teacher who gave us an unfair grade, or any employer who wouldn’t hire us, and give ‘em what-for. After I moved to LA and told her about some of my early frustrations working for NBC, she even volunteered to fly down to Burbank and kick Jay Leno’s butt on my behalf.
No doubt about it, my Grandma loved her family more than anything. She loved having us over for Shabbat and holiday dinners. She loved attending our school events, our bar-mitzvahs, and our graduations. She loved reading to us, and writing to us, and sharing stories with us. She loved her husband of over 60 years, my Zayde, Jerry Wagner. Even though she enjoyed joking about her days as a young knockout in Boston – she was real “hot stuff” back then, attracting the attention of sailors and soldiers, she enjoyed even more telling us the stories about how she met our grandfather, fell in love, and knew that he was the guy for her. She loved her brothers and sister, her sons, her daughter, and of course all of her grandchildren. A familiar sound in our house was my mother answering the phone with a relieved greeting of “Hi, Mom.” In almost daily phone conversations between my Mom and Grandma, the two would gab, vent, and chat for hours on end. Grandma was known for her ace Scrabble skills – and was the favorite opponent of my Uncle Jonathan. And Grandma also loved joking and reminiscing with my Uncle Michael, and of course loved playing with and spending time with her granddaughters, my cousins Rachel and Abby. Often, in the middle of a large dinner or gathering, I’d glance over and catch Grandma looking at me or another member of the family, just smiling – perhaps a bit in awe of how we’d grown – but mostly, I think, just happy that we were there together.
Sally Wagner sadly passed away on February 26th, 2013. The below is my eulogy to her.
- Many people – myself included – wonder how I got to be the way I am. In a family of lawyers and politicians, how on earth did I end up a writer, a reader, a movie-loving creative type who moved to Hollywood in order to work in the entertainment business? The truth is, perhaps the single biggest influence on my life, and the person who most made me what I am, has been my grandma, Sally Wagner.
Sally, or just “Grandma” as she is known to my brother and I, was pretty much the coolest person I’ve ever known. I know, it sounds strange to describe one’s grandma as cool, but it’s true. My grandma was downright awesome. From an early age, she instilled in me a love of stories and imagination. In fact, Grandma was probably the best storyteller I’ve ever met. She could read a book or a passage or an article aloud, and as soon as you heard her distinct, calming, reassuring, Boston-accented voice, you couldn’t help but be captivated. Many of my earliest memories of my grandma involve me, curled up beside her on a chair or on her lap, enraptured by the book she was reading or the story she was telling me. One thing I always marveled at was that my grandma owned every Oz book there was – and she and my mom shared a fascination with all things Wizard of Oz-related. When I was little, I used to sit with Grandma as she read every Oz book to me – and later to my brother - one by one. I didn’t want to experience the books any other way except with her reading them to me – nothing else could match the way she told the story.
My Grandma taught me to use my imagination and to dare to think differently. Before I was old enough to watch them, Grandma would tell me about her favorite episodes of Quantum Leap or Dr. Who or Star Trek: The Next Generation. She described the stories so well that I felt like I had seen the shows. The joy that my Grandma took from these stories was contagious – and she opened my mind to all of the far-out concepts that became my passion. She loved talking to me about all of the wonders the future would bring. And she would always say “I hope I’m around to see all those things.” “So do I,” I would think. When I myself finally graduated to more adult TV shows, one of my first favorites was The X-Files. The show had mysteries, conspiracies, monsters, and aliens – everything that I loved. The show became me and Grandma’s thing. After dinner, we’d go down into her living room, shut off the lights, and watch a new episode. Grandma would sometimes be busy cleaning up after the meal, but I’d yell for her to come downstairs and join me. It just wasn’t the same without her.
Grandma was always willing to indulge me in whatever it was I was into. When I drew a picture, I’d show it to her to get her approval. When I had a new favorite show, I’d beg her to watch it with me. Yes, as a kid, I loved spending Saturday nights with my grandmother. Because when my parents were away, and Grandma would babysit, that meant that she’d be there to watch “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” with me. When I got a new videogame, I’d excitedly explain to her why it was cool. And she’d always listen - she never walked away or dismissed me. She was always there for me.
Like I said, I had the coolest Grandma ever. She loved Star Trek and The X-Files and The Wizard of Oz. She read all the Harry Potter books. She loved reading and read voraciously. She loved drawing, and was an absolutely incredible artist who was capable of producing stunning and lifelike drawings. Of course, I always just wanted her to draw me superheroes. And she drew some amazing ones.
Me and my Grandma were alike in so many ways, it’s scary. We both loved sleeping late. During a busy week, I would tell Grandma about how I couldn’t wait for the weekend, to just sleep, lie in bed, read, and relax. She’d smile, and say “yeah, that’s the good stuff!” We both had a bit of a sweet tooth. She would caution me and my brother not to eat too many candy or cookies, lest we end up with some of the same tooth problems she had. But, when a good dessert crossed her path, my Grandma would indulge, even if just a tiny sliver. Like I said, she had an expert appreciation for the good stuff, and I think she and I pretty much agreed on what the “good stuff” in life was. We both had slightly inappropriate senses of humor, and it has to be said that my Grandma was one of the funniest, wittiest people I’ve ever known. Not only did she have great taste in comedy – but she had a sharp wit that didn’t dull for a second, even as she got older. She could really tell it like it is, but she was also the best person with whom to commiserate about anything and everything. She had an infectious laugh and a comforting smile. She never failed to find the humor in any situation, could always brighten a bleak situation with humor, and could always appreciate a good dirty joke – even if she feigned shock and horror upon hearing it. She loved to disapprovingly remark how raunchy her favorite TV comedies were getting. But make no mistake, she secretly loved the raunchiness. No question, for better or worse, my own offbeat sense of humor was shaped by my Grandma.
And no doubt, in more ways than I can count, I am my grandma’s grandson.
One of the most important things that Grandma taught me was the importance of being young at heart. She would always laugh at all the “old bubbes” she saw around town, and exclaim how she never wanted to be one of them. And she never was. Even as she got older, my grandma rarely seemed old.
Even more importantly, Grandma was always there for us. Literally, she was always there when we needed her. As a kid, every Tuesday and Thursday was a “Grandma Day.” While my mom was working late, teaching Hebrew school, my brother and I would come home from school to find our Grandma waiting for us. Usually, she’d be sitting at the kitchen table, sifting through magazines, most likely watching Oprah. After a long day, I don’t think there could have been any sight more comforting to come home to. My brother and I would grab a snack, join her, and tell her all of our problems. And that’s the other way in which Grandma was always there for us. She was the best listener, the best advice-giver, and the best advocate and supporter of her grandchildren. And all I could say to anyone who messed with us was: watch out! Our Grandma always offered to personally track down any bully who bothered us, any teacher who gave us an unfair grade, or any employer who wouldn’t hire us, and give ‘em what-for. After I moved to LA and told her about some of my early frustrations working for NBC, she even volunteered to fly down to Burbank and kick Jay Leno’s butt on my behalf.
No doubt about it, my Grandma loved her family more than anything. She loved having us over for Shabbat and holiday dinners. She loved attending our school events, our bar-mitzvahs, and our graduations. She loved reading to us, and writing to us, and sharing stories with us. She loved her husband of over 60 years, my Zayde, Jerry Wagner. Even though she enjoyed joking about her days as a young knockout in Boston – she was real “hot stuff” back then, attracting the attention of sailors and soldiers, she enjoyed even more telling us the stories about how she met our grandfather, fell in love, and knew that he was the guy for her. She loved her brothers and sister, her sons, her daughter, and of course all of her grandchildren. A familiar sound in our house was my mother answering the phone with a relieved greeting of “Hi, Mom.” In almost daily phone conversations between my Mom and Grandma, the two would gab, vent, and chat for hours on end. Grandma was known for her ace Scrabble skills – and was the favorite opponent of my Uncle Jonathan. And Grandma also loved joking and reminiscing with my Uncle Michael, and of course loved playing with and spending time with her granddaughters, my cousins Rachel and Abby. Often, in the middle of a large dinner or gathering, I’d glance over and catch Grandma looking at me or another member of the family, just smiling – perhaps a bit in awe of how we’d grown – but mostly, I think, just happy that we were there together.
For me, my Grandma taught me about what it was that I valued in life. She was an original. She was creative, and funny, and witty, and loved her family. I think we kept her young, but she also kept us young. Because what is being young if not enjoying life, always being excited to discover new things, and always being interested in the world around you. My Grandma was all of that and more. She was the best, and I only hope that I can live my life in a way that would make her proud.
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