MTV suuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkkkks.
Man, anyone who watches and enjoys this channel at this point in time is either a twelve year old girl or braindead. Back in the day, hell, even as of a few years ago, the VMA's were a highlight of the awards-show scene. You could count on some edgy humor, some great up-and-coming music acts doing career-making live performances, and usually a nifty surprise or two. Over the years the show has had many highlights and memorable moments, from Madonna in the bridal gown to Pearl Jam and Neil Young to Britney and a python. Last night however, for the first time ever, the show was UNWATCHABLE. Literally, I turned it off after about 30 minutes of (T') pain. Pure, unadulterated craaaaaaaap.
Kurt Loder, if you're smart you would high tail it outta there and never have your name associated with MTV again. Man, it used to be like "hey, good ol' Kurt Loder. He's legit." Now it's "WTF is Kurt Loder still doing on MTV."
John Norris, what a freak. He's like 50 years old and trying to look like a member of My Chemical Romance. How in the blue hell does MTV still trot this guy out for hosting duties? Part of the problem is that they don't play videos anymore, and therefore don't have VJ's who can serve as MC's for events like the VMA's. Hence John freakin' Norris gets dusted off and brought out year after year, along with no-talent "personalities" like Sway. WTF. Someone needs to knock that beanie cap off of Sway's head. Sway makes Pauly Shore look like Johnny Carson. I mean, Sway makes me wish that Jesse Camp was still employed by MTV.
Now, the actual VMA's. Who thought it was cool to take the performances off of a main stage and have them held in hotel rooms? Nobody wants to see a performance done from a freaking hotel room.
And how about featuring some, I don't know, bands? I'm sick of seeing a watered-down Foo Fighters be the token rock band at every awards show. It's a telling sign that most of the big names in music couldn't even be bothered to show up for the VMA's. Not that MTV even wants them, per se, they seem to be content to feature washed-up trainwrecks and the latest one-hit-wonder rappers who nobody will remember in two year's time.
In fact, it is ridiculous that MTV would even have Britney in the first place. Why not promote someone like Gwen Stefani who has actual talent as a musician? I've been hearing a pretty kickass band on K-Roq lately called Flyleaf, with a female singer with some serious pipes. Why not feature a band like that who is hungry for an opportunity and would likely do everything they could to tear the house down? Why not feature some musicians who are actually, you know, COOL? Remember when MTV was about being cool? Last I checked, washed-up trailer trash who spends more time on supermarket tabloids than she does making music? Not very cool.
And as for Ms. Spears ... who are her managers that aren't telling her she looks and sounds terrible? She wanted to make a comeback? How about coming out in sensible clothing and SINGING a SONG?
So MTV got its buzz-worthy moment. But this isn't buzz, really. It's just one of those low moments, one of those oh-god Signs of the Apocalypse. When Justin Timberlake of all people is calling for you to play more music and have less reality shows, it's time for a reality check. MTV, meet Rock Bottom.
My Grade: F
- Anywaaaaaaaaays ... it was a fun, packed-to-the-brim weekend. Friday, former page and fellow NBC colleague Megan P celebrated her b-day at the swanky Falcon in Hollywood, where a wide mix of NBC page alums and other fine folks gathered for some fun. Saturday, I was invited to a prom-themed birthday party at the Hollywood Canteena that was a lot of fun as well. Howeeeever, what I will talk about now is a pair of movies I saw over the weekend, so read on to see what I thought of SHOOT 'EM UP and 3:10 to YUMA.
SHOOT 'EM UP Review:
- For those who like their action movies to play out like hyper-real anime movies on crack, SHOOT EM UP should be right up your alley. This is a nonstop roller-coaster ride that serves as a kind of deadpan sendup of the action genre, from the same kind of school of over-the-top anything-goes film-making that includes flicks like The Transporter, Crank, and most recently Grindhouse. In fact, Shoot Em Up could easily be called a true modern-day Grindhouse flick -- it's dark, lurid, nihilistic, with an acid-tipped sense of humor and a sensibility that revels in its own implausibility and outrageousness.
The story here isn't really important. Clive Owen is a badass dude called Smith who has gotten himself mixed-up in the plans of a brillaint crime lord, played by Paul Giamatti. There's something about a crooked Senator and the gun lobby, but really, all you need to know is this: Clive Owen is pissed off at the world, and he is ready to deliver some double-barelled justice on anyone who gets in his way.
Our two leads are pitch-perfect, and both have just the right amount of theatricality and tongue-in-cheek delivery. Clive Owen basically plays every lone-gun action hero rolled into one over-the-top package. If John McLane, Dirty Harry, and The Punisher were cloned and had their DNA mixed, you might get Smith. Owen delivers each of his obligatory one-liners with a suitable mix of "don't mess with me" attitude and self-aware comedic timing. Meanwhile, Giamatti is awesome as a criminal mastermind who almost seems like a modern twist on one of those old Batman TV villains. He also brings to mind all of the crazy action villains from campy 80's movies like Tango & Cash or any number of Jean Claude Van Damme movies. He says each line with a smirk and a snear, and man, Giamatti just looks to be having a blast with this role, and it shows. The movie has a lot of fun with the fact that his character just won't die, and seems to come back for more hurtin' again and again.
So ... I can't stress enough just how INSANE this movie is. In one memorable scene, Clive Owen is getting it on with Monica Belucci, who plays a hooker with a heart of gold (what else?). In the heat of the moment, so to speak, Smith is assaulted by a battalion of armed thugs. So, Smith flashes his own piece (so to speak) and begins going one-man-army on the goons. But he's kicking ass and taking names, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME ridin' space mountain with Ms. Belluci, even timing his gunshots in a way that ensures her maximum pleasure. So, yeah, that's something I can't say I've seen in a movie before.
In another scene, Smith parachutes from a plane, as dozens of thugs jump out in pursuit. We then get a MIDAIR shootout that spans the horzontal and vertical. Yiiiiiiiikes.
And man, the climactic showdown between Owen and Giammati is one for the ages. I won't spoil what happens, other than to tell you that it's yet another "holy $#@%!" moment in a movie that's chock full of them.
Now, like I said, there's little plot to speak of here, and what plot there is barely makes sense. But this is a movie where the fact that Smith has a love of eating carrots is more important than messy things like plot. This is grindhouse, baby. Barebones and all about the action, about saying "hey, thought THAT was cool? Well check THIS out." Not a "great" movie, not one that will win any awards. But for an action movie that simply grabs ya', hits ya' with a steel chair, and then flings ya' from a moving truck ... well, Shoot 'Em Up gets the job done with style.
My Grade: B+
3:10 TO YUMA Review:
- The Western movie -- for decades it was a staple of the cinema, a mainstay at the box office, and an iconic genre of American filmmaking. But ask many people who are, like me, in their 20's. How many of us have even SEEN a Western, let alone seen one in the theater? For myself, I am not sure, but I'm pretty confident that I was one of the Gen Y masses who somewhere in my subconcious had a fascination with cowboys and six-shooters and the Wild West, but who had rarely experienced such things of young male daydreams on the big screen (and no, I'm not sure that Back to the Future, Part III counts). So I was excited for 3:10 to Yuma. Not only was it a very promising entry in this long-neglected genre, but it was exciting to me simply as a movie fan. It was Christian Bale and Russell Crowe, maybe the two best actors working today, and surely two of the msot badass, going head to head, mano e mano, in an Old West showdown. If any two actors could make me interested in a Western, it was likely these very two. So yeah, I was excited for this one, but not quite sure what to expect.
What I got was a very well-made, action-packed movie that was elevated thanks to the high calber of its cast. While the characterization was a bit jumpy, the movie was a joy to watch simply because of the greatness of Bale, Crowe, and a well-rounded suporting cast that included the likes of Ben Foster, Peter Fonda, and Grethchen Mol.
The plot here is in fact pretty basic, although it is a bit over-complicated in the telling. Essentially, Bale plays Dan Evans, a down-on-his luck rancher in the Old West. Evans has fallen on hard times, and the local railroad company repeatedly threatens his home so that they can use his land to build on, even as his wife (Mol), and oldest son begin to question him as a father, husband, and provider. When Evans stumbles across the outlaw Ben Wade (Crowe), he sees it as a bit of a financial opportunity. Evans volunteers his services to join the party that will bring Wade to justice, knowing that there's a $200 reward waiting for him if he can succesfully bring Wade to the prison train that will send him packing to Yuma prison. Wade, however, is a charismatic villain. He makes men tremble and women swoon, and even inspires Evan's son to look up to him a bit. So Evans' quest becomes not just about the money, but about proving himself to his wife and son.
And this sets up the essential conflict - Evans, a guy who's worked all his life to make an honest living, and struggled all the while (with nothing but a bad leg due to Civil War friendly fire to show for it), versus Wade - a guy who uses fear and intimidation and cunning to live a life of crime and debauchery.
As was expected, both Bale and Crowe are excellent. Bale has just been on an absolute roll lately. I was only weeks ago that he turned in an Oscar-worthy performance in Rescue Dawn. Now he's kicking all sorts of ass again as Dan Evans. It really is amazing - in Dawn, Bale was a happy go lucky guy who is forced to revert to survival mode while in the jungles of Vietnam. Here, Bale is pure bottled-up intensity from the get-go - he's a man who's been beaten down and wearied, one of the few honest men in a land ruled by lawlessness. Bale is great here yet again - give this guy an Oscar already. Crowe is also pretty spectacular. He's an outlaw who knows how good it can be to be bad, but who may just have a shred of decency in him, if only he didn't have a posse of bad apples ready and willing to jump at his every command. Crowe's performance as a leader of men reminded me of his period-piece greatness in Master & Commander, except this time he was less do-gooder and more eeeeeeeeevil. But in any case, Crowe and Bale - both exceptional - and it's a little slice of movie geek heaven to see them squaring off.
However, the supporting cast is also excellent. Ben Foster in particular stands out as Charlie Prince, Crowe's right-hand man who will unleash hell at a moment's notice for his boss / leader / idol. Prince is one nasty SOB, whose loyalty to Wade borders on pathological (or else just a bit of Brokeback-style forbidden longing, as is strongly hinted at). In any event, Foster is great in the role, bristling with intensity and unpredictability - a loose cannon waiting to go off. Meanwhile, Peter Fonda is seven kinds of badass as McElroy, a grizzled old bounty hunter that might even give Jonah Hex a run for his money. Fonda gets many of the movie's best lines, as he takes a bullet like it was a tap on the shoulder, calls outlaw Dan Wade's mother a 'ho, and generally rules it as only a badass old cowboy can. Logan Lerman also does a pretty good job as Crowe's eldest son, and Gretchen Mol is good, but isn't given much to do, as Bale's worn-out wife.
The biggest problems with the movie are in the areas of plotting and characterization. Without revealing anything, things begin to unravel towards the end of the movie, and one of the major characters has a pretty major change of heart that never seemed to receive a proper build-up. Part of the problem may also lie with the direction by James Mangold (Walk The Line). Mangold seems to draw out the movie with a very deliberate pace, and yet skimps a bit on the character-arcs until the final act. The direction is very competent, but could have used a bit more grit and style. There are lots of cool set-ups, whether its an attack by hostile Apaches or a daring escape from a small mining town. But amidst all those cool scenes there are a lack of true iconic shots that really get burned into the brain. It's like the movie stuggles with whether to embrace its pulpy Western roots or to be a sleeker, more modern-feeling period-piece, and comes out as something in the middle that is ultimately a bit pedestrian-feeling at times.
But Crowe, Bale, Foster, and Fonda make the movie special. These commanding presences own the screen with a dramatic intensity that few other actors could have elicited, and help to make 3:10 to Yuma a ride well worth taking. All in all, this is a welcome return for the mainstream Western to the big screen - so saddle up and board the 3:10.
My Grade: B+
- Alright, that's it for now - congrats on surviving Monday!
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