Return. Of. GRAVITAS. 24 and MORE.

TWENTY BY-GOD FOUR:

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!

(Does this call for an "Anti-Dammit!" ?!?!)

It's been a looooong while since I was this pumped in the aftermath of an episode of 24. For the last few weeks, Jack Bauer has been a mere supporting character in his own show, as we've been force-fed endless waves of white house machinations and CTU soap opera. This week, business picked up. Wayne Palmer's neverending struggle to lead the country finally picked up steam with a few well-placed twists and turns. Wannabe Tony Almeda, Doyle, became a little more interesting. But then, in the episode's final 10 minutes or so, things just went nuts. At first, I was ready to scream when it looked like badass terrorist Fayed had inexplicably escaped from capture. But then, another well-placed twist, as we found out that Fayed's seeming colleagues were in fact planted CTU agents (nice!). Then, when Fayed tried to verify that his new allies were legit by contacting Marwan Habib (wasn't there a previous villain on 24 named Habib Marwan?!?!), Habib slipped him a codeword that indicated he was communicating under duress. This is when all hell breaks loose, Fayed guns down the CTU agents, and hightails it back to his terrorist HQ in a comandeered dumptruck ... and the terrorist lives to see another hour of 24 ... Or so we thought ...

... Because holy crap, JACK BAUER IS UNDERNEATH THE TRUCK, holding tight to its underpinnings like an All-American Ninja of Doom. To add to this amazingness, Jack CALLS CTU TO GIVE AN UPDATE while doing this! Unfortunately, erstwhile CTU chief Bill Buchanan is unable to hear Jack's scrambled words, leaving Jack no choice but to utter his trademark "Dammit!" in gravitas-infused frustration. Sheer intensity!

So Fayed returns to Terroristland, unawares that his truck had a surprise visitor in tow. Waiting for just the right moment, Jack f'n Baur, armed with naught but a small handgun and a single round of bullets, stalks his prey, as the orchestral music swells to operatic levels of intensity. When the time is right, it's one bullet, a hit!, and then ... all hell breaks loose, but by this point, there's only one possible outcome. Wasting no time and no bullets, Jack unleashes hell like we haven't seen in many a moon, wastes all the redshirt terrorists, and its down to Jack vs. Fayed, mano e mano - no guns, no tricks, just old-school hand to hand combat. Yeah!!! The fight is back and forth, but holy hell, it ends with Jack STRINGING UP FAYED WITH A CHAIN and hanging him Saddam-style. Earlier in the episode, Fayed cursed Jack for mercilessly taking out Fayed's brother (also a terrorist). As Jack tightened the chain-link noose, he looked up at Fayed, and with pitch-perfect timing, bellowed the following little bit of classic Bauer-ism: "Say hello to your brother for me ..." And ... SNAP (literally and figuratively).

And just like that, CTU had secured Fayed's missing nukes, taken out the badguys, and the main plotline of this entire season of 24 was over and done with -- and it only took ONE man to get the job done. To add to the moment, Doyle, who fancies himself a Bauer-level badass, arrives at the scene, observes the blood-soaked floors and strewn bodies of felled terrorists, looks up at America's public enemy #1 strung up and finished, and can say nothing but "Damn, Jack." Damn indeed, Doyle. Damn indeed.

Finally, the big question is - so ... now what?!?! This is 24, so it was only a matter of time before the other shoe dropped. And drop it did - in the ep's closing seconds, Jack gets a call - oh dayum it's former Bauer special lady friend Audrey Raines ... but (gasp!) isn't she dead!?!?! Guess not, but she's not much better off - she's held captive by Sketchy Chinese Government Guy, and if Jack doesn't do what the dude says, SHE DIES.

Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Yeah, now THAT'S an episode of 24. So forget the last several weeks of 24-lite - like I said - it looks like business has just picked up.

My Grade: A

OTHER STUFF:

- I hate to do this, but I am giving a FINGER OF SHAME to NBC for cancelling ANDY BARKER, P.I. so prematurely. The thing is, this show was never given a chance to shine - and wasn't it only recently that we renewed 30 Rock for this same reason, to give it time to grow and find an audience? Well, 30 Rock has ALREADY grown by leaps and bounds in the span of one season. So I mean, really, how can you not even give a show overripe with potential like Andy Barker a chance to shine ... at all? I mean, 6 episodes is nothing. Look at the first 6 episodes of The Office - nowhere near the quality, the ratings, or the acclaim that it later went on to recieve. Andy Barker in its first 6 episodes is already leagues more polished than what The Office was in that same stage of infancy, not to mention the show is damn funny. Even from Episode 1 to episode 6, Barker got funnier with each installment. Yes, there was still plenty of room to make it better - to expand its supporting cast and flesh out its characters. But now it'll never have that chance, and to me that's just a ridiculous shame. Now, I don't mean this as a simple plug - but I'll say this ... Go, now, and check this show out on iTunes. All 6 episodes are available. Try the pilot, try the finale, try 'em all. Help make a statement that this show could have had a solid, devoted fanbase. I guarantee, if you like quirky comedy in the vein of Late Night With Conan O'Brien, Reno 9-11, etc, you'll enjoy this one.

- Again, it's too bad Andy Barker couldn't become a permanent fixture alongside 30 Rock and The Office. I felt like last week's Thurday Night trio of NBC comedies was one of the best overall blocks I've seen in a while. The Office as always was hilarious, and 30 Rock had one of its funniest episodes yet, with Will Arnett in top form as a rival exec to Alec Baldwin's character. Great, hilarious stuff. And Andy Barker, as I mentioned, was getting better and funnier and more well-rounded with each new episode.

- I know it didn't show up on facebook, so make sure to check out yesterday's review of GRINDHOUSE right here on the ol' blog. If any of you guys have seen it, I'm curious to hear what you thought.

- One thing with GRINDHOUSE though - I hope that the Weinstien's don't go ahead with the idea to split it up into two separate movies. That to me just detracts not only from the value of getting two films for the price of one, but also just really takes away from the OVERALL experience of seeing the two films plus the trailers, which to me is the whole novelty and charm and appeal. If anything, it'd simply be a cheap cash-in, which would really be lame in my book.

- Can you feel it? PASSOVER is almost over ... I personally am counting the minutes until I can once again eat glorious, glorious BREAD. If I eat any more matzoh I think I will puke. So congratulations to all my fellow Jews who made it through these eight days of breadlessness - go have a big slice of pizza tonight, you've earned it. And for all those who declined to at least TRY to refrain from bread ... look, I'm not normally one to push my religious beliefs on anyone, but ... come on! Suck it up and take one for the team! It's a character-builder.

Seriously though (though I was being kinda serious) ... hope everyone had a great Passover.

- Alright, I'm out ... I think I'll be able to cruise through the day based on leftover adrenaline reserves from last night's 24 alone ... (although, how great would it be to be like Wayne Palmer and have a doctor at beck and call to shoot you up with adrenaline whenever you were feeling a bit weary? Actually, um, yeah, that's pretty weird ...). Cya all later.