sunday Sunday SUNDAY - Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen!

Ah, tradition. It's like ... a fiddler on the roof. Or something.

So for many, many years now Sunday night tradition has been to sit down for a few hours, forget the impending school / work week, and enjoy some quality televised entertainment, specifically, the FOX network's Sunday night lineup. At it's peak, this lineup offered such greatness as The X-Files, Futurama, and Malcolm in the Middle. Now, all that remains of the glory years is that ever-present stalwart of Sunday nights at 8 pm, The Simpsons - perhaps the single greatest TV show of all time. But sadly, even a latter-day Simpsons apologist like myself comes to a point when even I must admit ... it's time to end it. Well, let me rephrase that ... Unless by some miracle the show can return to the stellar quality of its earlier years, it is really time to just put it out of its mediocre misery.

But being an optimist, I tuned into tonight's unusually early in the fall season premiere hoping against all odds that tonight would be one of those rare nu-Simpsons gems, those sporadic episodes that come about two or three times every year now, that kind of remind you of that old time Simpsons satirical magic.

Damn, that episode had to be one of THE WORST EVER episodes. And that's no Comic Book Guy exaggeration. That episode was just piss poor bad, and seeing as how it was a SEASON PREMIERE, no less, just made me feel sick in its pure awfulness. Let's see - the plot? Well as is standard now, the show began it's main plot halfway through the episode. And guess what - it was the oldest plot in the Simpsons book - Marge gets mad at Homer for doing something bone-headed, and runs out on him and the kids, leaving a hapless Homer to fend for himself, only to eventually win back Marge's love with some act of redemption. SONOVA - we have seen this exact plot too many times to count! What in the blue hell is wrong with the producers of this once transcendently incredible show? I HATE to say it, but this episode deserves a big fat grade of F. Yep, my grade for The Simpsons is a freaking F! Tragic.

And then some generic Married With Children wannabe show called The War at Home comes on, when MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE should be kicking ass, since as FOX might remember, it is currently up for 3 EMMY'S! Nope, it's relegated to the death-slot of Fridays. Ridiculous.

Family Guy's season premiere was at least funny enough to make me laugh a few times, though it is still a far cry from the heights of its Season One hilarity. I'll give it a B -, though that's probably generous.

The less said about American Dad, the better.

So, in honor of the Fall TV season, one which seems to hold precious few new shows of any great promise, I present to you a look at some of the greatest ever first episodes of TV shows, in my humble opinion. While many shows take time to develop into greatness (Seinfeld, The Simpsons, and King of the Hill are a few examples that come to mind), some just blow you away from episode one. So this is by no means a definitive list, just some favorites of mine ...

DANNY'S ALL-TIME FAVORITE TV PILOT (FIRST) EPISODES:

DRAMAS:

1.) The X-Files - the pilot of this show was a perfect intro to Mulder and Scully, and it was a tantalizing glimpse at a mythology that promised to unfold into something larger than we could imagine.
2.) Lost - a movie-like roller coaster ride that presented not only a plethora of mysteries, but also a remarkable cast of characters.
3.) Millenium - From the get-go, the character of Frank Black was unlike any other yet seen on TV, and the show immediately set a dark, ominous tone that made it unlike any other crime series ever on TV.
4.) 24 - As the clock began to count down, you knew you were in for something special - the multimple camera angles, dynamic action, and breathtaking pace hooked you from the start.
5.) Sliders - Laugh if you want, but few other shows have ever had the pure sense of fun and adventure found in this first episode, which presented a premise of literally infinite possibilities.
6.) My So-Called Life - Another one of those shows that was only appreciated after it was too late, My So-Called Life quickly established that it wasn't your parent's high-school drama. This was the defining depiction of high school for a generation, and Claire Dane's star never shone brighter than in her early appearances on this show.

COMEDIES:

1.) Malcolm in the Middle - Creator Linwood Boomer's unique voice was immediately audible in this classic, hilarious first episode which was a quirky look at the ultimate dysfunctional family.
2.) Freaks and Geeks - Why, NBC, why? Judd Apatow's amazing dramedy about high school life was, from the start, an amazingly, almost painfully honest and hilariously relatable depiction of teenagers.
3.) The Office - The British version of the show just had to do one thing to quickly ensure its greatness - introduce Ricky Gervais as David Brent, the boss from hell. Gervais' brilliant performance gave this comedy more depth than most dramas.
4.) Andy Richter Controls the Universe - This underrated show was prematurely cancelled, but its unique use of fantasy sequences and random cutaways was highly influential on many shows to come. Few other comedies have been so laugh out loud funny from the first episode.
5.) Futurama - Unlike The Simpsons which took a few years to mature into its full potential, Futurama began with a polish and cleverness that was beyond anything else at the time. Immediately, it established a classic cast in Fry, Bender, Leela, Zoidberg, etc, that was nearly on par with The Simpsons.
6.) Undeclared - What Freaks and Geeks did for high school, Undeclared did for college. In the first episode, it was apparent that Judd Apatow had succesfully retained Freaks and Geek's earnest sensibilities and its awkwardly hilarious humor.

Moving on ...

AT WORK:

This week it's gonna be all Ellen, all the time. Well, almost. But let's just say I'm working at Ellen. A lot. That's a lot of dancing to the likes of Vanilla Ice and Toni Tonee Tony. Oy ...

Saw some up and coming young pop starlet on Leno Friday, named Hope Partlow. She sounded exactly like Avril Lavigne, except more sedate and less angry. The lyrics to her song were pretty unintentionally amusing though.

THIS PAST WEEKEND - DANNY GETS MEDIEVAL ON YOUR CANDY ASS:

Friday: The pages gathered after work for a dinner in honor of Adriana, one of the few remaining from my page class, who is moving on from NBC to (gasp!) go to grad school. Good luck, Adriana, I mean writing term papers and stuff can't be any harder than giving tours of NBC, um, right?

Saturday: Some friends and I took part in something which I have always wanted to do since I was a young boy. See, I remember being on family vacation with my parents and pleading with them to take me to what, at the time, seemed like just about the coolest thing ever -- Medieval Times! But we never did go, and I never got to experience what it was like to eat a hearty meal with my hands while watching knights of the realm dueling it out in grand combat in a packed arena. Never go to experience it, that is, until this weekend! Yes, my friends and I journeyed to Medieval Times where we experienced an epic feast and a display of jousting, dueling, and spectacle fit for Arthur himself! A bit pricey, yes, but a fine night of sword-swinging action was had by all, in an event that I can only describe as a WWF wrestling match meets broadway musical meets dinner at the Cracker Barrell. Not a bad combo.

- WHAT ELSE YA' GOT?

Read my blog, tell your friends, and leave a comment. Good luck to everyone starting another year of college / gradschool. Go Patriots! Go Redsox! Now turn off your computer and get a life, nerdboy.